Perceptions

 

This week we are going to take a look at Perceptions in the Business World.  One of the questions we received was,

“Is there a difference in people’s perception when similar behavior traits are shown in a man as opposed to a women?”

 

The answer is YES! And this is such a key topic – it’s at the heart of most issues women face at work. 

 

If you understand that the way men and women are neurologically wired is inherently different, then it’s easy to see how we would perceive our world and the people in it, through quite disparate gender filters.

 

It’s not about men being judgmental or unfair.  It’s how their brain translates our words and actions based on how they would behave in the same situation.  In most cases, they don’t understand our motives or intentions, just as we do not understand theirs, without some explanation.

 

“How do women convince male colleagues that just because women work different hours, doesn’t mean they work less?”

 

Remember, your actions are being processed through their filters.  If they don’t work when they are not in the office, they assume others don’t either.  The key is to not be vocal about being out of the office – don’t feel the need to explain – but raise the volume on discussions of your productivity and accomplishments.  Obviously, you need to manage the language of how to do this effectively, but women need to stop feeling the need to justify and detail their absences.  (We’ll get further into this discussion next week when we cover Languaging Issues.)

 

Another comment we received related to moms constantly checking their cell phone, talking to kids or caretakers at home, and how this was perceived negatively by coworkers. 

 

Again, it’s about context.  If you really do need to check in, do it in private – your office, the bathroom, outside work on your lunch or break.  And take a look at how often you are checking in, and whether there really is an issue at home, or you are feeling insecure, left out or guilty for being at work?  If it’s the latter, that energy is being projected to your colleagues and you will be perceived negatively not only because of your action, but what the action says about your state of mind and confidence level.

 

The final topic I am going to cover today is one that comes up in every coaching session I have -

being “nice” versus being “kind”  – at work.  You may think these are the same, but I assure you they are not. 

 

Being “nice” comes from a desire to be liked by everyone – you are motivated by influences outside of yourself.  

 

Being nice is about not disagreeing with people and taking on more work than you have time for because you’re afraid people won’t like you if you say no.  It’s a transaction where your sense of self worth is coming from outside of you.  Being nice has no boundaries and puts you at the mercy of other people.  It becomes a vicious cycle of you needing approval, or fearing reprisal, driving you to continue your “nice” behavior.  This sets you up to be perceived as someone who is not a leader, someone people can dump work on and someone who doesn’t think for themselves.

 

Being “kind” is a state of being and comes from within you – treating everyone else as a spiritual entity doing their best in life, just like you.  

 

You can disagree with people, or say no to their requests, and still be kind in the process.  There is never a reason to be unkind, even when others are not treating you well.  You can remain composed, knowing their behavior is their responsibility, and disengage from an unprofessional interaction with your self confidence in tact.  You have boundaries around your time and energy, and will help others when needed, if you can.   Kind people are perceived as thoughtful, grounded, professional.

 

The key is to be aware of the difference and know your location on the scale between “nice” and “kind” right now – then work to ensure you eliminate the “nice” and accentuate the “kindness.”

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To learn more about how Laura can support you or your organization in career development and advancement, go to www.LotusLifeWork.com and sign up to receive her newsletter and information about the March launch of her self study product: Positively Promotable – Understanding Men at Work. You can also download her free smartphone app for Android and iPhone – search for “LotusLifeWork” to receive daily doses of information, inspiration and introspection!

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If you’ve been out of the job hunt for a while, you should know that the rules have changed in this competitive climate – on both sides of the Atlantic.  What follows doesn’t just apply to landing that next job. It’s also a wake up call that should scream: “this is the next move which will make me h-a-p-p-y“.

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Working in the financial services industry, I’ve given out lots of goodbye hugs in the last few years to close friends and colleagues. I learned what leading recruitment firms swear by, in order for you to stand out in this rocky job market. Here’s the inside scoop.

The questions you need to ask yourself are: Who am I? and What am I selling? 

You are your own brand. You need to manage yourself  like a company who sells a product because that’s exactly why a hiring manager is gracing you with their presence – to find out just how valuable a package you are. The only questions taped to their forehead are “Why should I hire you?” and “What makes you unique?”  

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Here comes the tough part. Write down all of the things that you do well – not just related to your specific job skills. Do you speak another language or play the guitar? Are you a good networker? Are you super organized? These talents are what you throw in as chit chat during the pregnant pauses of an interview which can turn it around if you feel it’s going south.

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I was told a priceless story from someone who knew he wasn’t hitting it off  with the person interviewing him. As he was getting ready to leave, he threw down his last card and mentioned he loved to cook. Turns out so did the hiring manager. They hit it off, the guy was hired and he shares that story with everyone to prove that it’s about your whole story and not just what’s on a piece of paper. Go back to my post on  Soft Sexy Skills for a read on how your magnetic personality can really turn the tables when landing a position. 

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You can also cheat by getting the skinny on anyone beforehand. Have a peek at their very public profile on Linked in. Here’s mine: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/marisa-santoro/6/a19/186  – all above board dear readers and arms you with what makes for great conversation.

 

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Create your banner ad

Think of this as your name blinking in bright lights. What makes you the star? Your banner ad is the first thing they should see at the top of your Resume / CV. Here’s what mine would look like:

Distinctive mix of Creative, Technical and Online Media Writing skills

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My career is rooted in technology but I’m also very creative and I’ve always been a writer. Much like branding a product to market, you emphasize why your story is different because in these times you can’t be perceived to be the same as everyone else. .

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Branding can mean a variety of things. It could be an online presence, a blog, you can be a subject matter expert in a certain area. Write down all of the things you did in your career and it will flow; just make sure it lands with a splash!

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Your 30 second elevator pitch

The  top one third of your resume is the most valuable piece of real estate – it’s your bio in a few sentences and it needs to back up your banner ad above. It should answer the question: “So, tell me your story?“  This brief summary of  Fabulous You, is your 30 second elevator pitch. It’s what you would throw out at cocktails when you’re getting warmed up in the name of good networking. 

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 Your 2 minute Commerical

Your 2 minute commercial is in the interview, your one shot to expand on all of this. Yep, you heard me. Two minutes is the golden rule; go on longer than that and they’ve hit the snooze button. Of most importance before your curtain closes and you’re about to exit the interview, you turn around and remind them (while humming the Rocky theme song)

why you can repeat your successes again, in your sleep. 

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Readers, I leave you with more Job Search Tips here.  

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 Questions? Open it up here as a conversation that everyone can benefit from in the just released In Our Shoes Forums.  No login required and you don’t need to leave your real name or email.  Just click Reply.

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British working mums, that is. This just in from the UK’s Guardian news this morning:

Full story at: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/dec/11/free-childcare-millions-tax-mums - the very reason why In Our Shoes has turned its focus on:

Supporting working mums in the UK.

If free childcare comes to pass in Great Britain, this will be a game changer for women’s career advancement in the country. Interestingly, while the maternity benefits rock compared to what American moms get, doesn’t being out for a year leave a huge gap and risk to having potentially stale skillsets? I was out for a mere 3 months after pregnancy. It was difficult getting back into the swing and applying my technical acumen after being on baby brain for such a stretch. That, coupled with the isolation I felt being at home compared to the camraderie at work was a huge hurdle.

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More power to British women if free nursery takes effect. Speaking to the mums I met, the reason they opt out of going back to work is simple: child care costs and salary are a wash, so why bother?

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Just wrapped up two 6am interviews with extraordinary women in London and Denmark this week before hitting the road to the day job in New York’s concrete jungle.

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Did someone say sleep? I’ve forgotten what that is. I heart South American coffee!

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 More to come, Subscribe here.

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 I’m humbled to see the rising interest in In Our Shoes from UK subscribers. This week I’m excited to announce the launch of a site across the pond. 

InRShoes.co.uk  is now official and live.

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Stay tuned for my British working mum interview with someone who I must say has worn shoes I’ve never come close to trying on. Readers, I introduce you to woman warrior Danielle Curzon.

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Formally an international titleholder dressage rider, an international champion martial arts competitor, former bodyguard to Emma Watson and other celebrities, survivor of a miraculuous pregnancy with healthy baby girl (the one the medical experts said she’d never have) and is now a leading first female referee in the UK’s Mixed Martial Arts circuit at UCMMA Cage Rage..

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Oh and not to be swept under the rug, Danielle is also a daughter of British aristocracy, born to the noble Viscount Scarsdale. 

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More to come on her astounding story!

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In other news, check out the not so surprising recent headline from The Economist (it stings just the same):

Closing the gap: Women have made huge progress in the workplace, but still get lower pay and far fewer top jobs than men.

Lots coming up this month including more advice on the job hunt. Rocky financial forecast ahead in the States and overseas. The resume/CV as we know it has been revamped – I’ll have lots of tips to get you prepared, the interview game has changed. Feel free to email me any questions.

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Wonderful weekend everyone, be well.

 

 

 

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