Continuing our 5 part series here at In Our Shoes, we deliver the second footprint that successful women independent professionals make when aiming for a career they love.  If you are just joining us here at In Our Shoes - welcome! Before you leave, be sure to Subscribe to stay current on all the events, seminar programming  and power interviews we land here!  Don’t forget to check out this summer’s  seminar programming delivering the Dream Shoe Seminar offered in New York and London which this five part series is a segueway to: empowering women to go for a career they are passionate about sans any barriers!

Footprint 1

• In Our Shoes’ Audio Replay (17 minutes)
• Our Career Column in Here is the City News.

Footprint 2 -

 

• Our Career Column in Here is the City News.

Play- 21 minutes

 

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Interviewing successful women entrepreneurs and consulting with women who have worked in corporate most of their career lives or who have stepped out of the workplace for a few years after having children and wish to re-enter, inspired this Dream Shoe seminar last year, addressing the below questions I am asked all of the time as they are considering the next stage of their careers. Share your story in the following pre-seminar registration Profile Sheet and then explore what the Dream Shoe Seminar is all about. We hope to meet you in person! In the meantime, enjoy these 5 footprints of what working women really want out of life: to follow a career they are passionate about!

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Psssst, have you subscribed to In Our Shoes? Media share buttons sit below for you to pass it on!

 

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Please welcome our next guest here to our empowering female village: Malvina Guretsky (aka “MAG”),

 

A former Wall Street A-lister who walked away from a lucrative executive career at investment giant Deutsche Bank to become a mumpreneur.

She was one of only eight women selected from her division to gain entry into a leadership program that would fast track her to the C-suite as a Managing Director. Entering an intense coaching program, she was prepped with all of the tools and resources she would need to run the company, leaving colleagues in bewilderment when she resigned.

 

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Why would she take the off-ramp at the very height of her career?

 

The short answer Malvina Guretsky reveals:

 

“The higher I climbed in my career, the further I lost my identity.”

 

Co-breadwinner with her husband providing for their three children, Malvina Guretsky confesses she had no answer to the obvious question from concerned family and friends: “So what’s next?”

 

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Malvina’s next move was completely unexpected, leading her to the fashion retail industry. This Mother’s Day, she will be opening completely new doors – those of her new boutique MAG Tricotes, launching a unique hand-knitted clothing line designed for women and little girls. She has also caught the attention of Martha Stewart and appeared live making her unique fashion statement on the  The Female Entrepreneur show taped April 4, 2011!

 

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Do superstar women at the top of their game abandon their career to spend more time with their families?

They would, when they no longer recognize their reflection staring at them in the mirror, Guretsky’s story reveals. This In Our Shoes interview captures dream shoes in the making; we’re honored to have Malvina Guretsky here with us to share her success stories!

 

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IN OUR SHOES: Malvina, welcome to In Our Shoes! I will start by saying that your story reads like a bestseller off the fiction shelf! First, tell us a bit about your background.

 

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MAG: Thanks so much. I was born in the Ukraine and came to the US shortly after my seventeenth birthday with only a few hundred dollars in my pocket. I picked up English in nine months and received a full academic college scholarship to NYU in their computer science and math program. I later entered the financial services industry, building proprietary order routing systems across US trading floors for brokerage firms.

 

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IN OUR SHOES: Your last career move was accepting a Director level position at Deutsche Bank Global Equities Division. Did you ever have any doubts about whether you would succeed in that new role?

 

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MAG: I never had doubts. I knew that the role would come with many unknowns and would be a challenge given its global presence. I had just left a position at a brokerage firm where there was no real challenge left for me. I had moved up and sideways and still there was no change. I was ready for something new and exciting.

 

 

 

IN OUR SHOES: Although a veteran in the financial services industry, this was a very senior role with far more reach than you had in your career thus far. How did you approach stepping into these shoes?

 

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MAG: From my observation, a woman would take a more structured approach to the decision-making process; she would get actively involved in every intricate detail of every task being handled by her team. I was no exception to that rule – I first spent a lot of time with my internal teams as well as with my clients, understanding and often experiencing firsthand their challenges and frustrations. I then analyzed the data collected, and only then I proceeded to make executive decisions. Granted sometimes this approach takes considerably more time than simply directing, yet I believe in the end it yields better results.

 

A good friend of mine once told me that the best leaders are those who know the strengths and daily tasks of their employees, two levels down. He believed that if every corporation were run like that, the results would be astounding. I have tested this theory and I am now a firm believer that it works.

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IN OUR SHOES: Talk to us about failure. Were you scared to fail?

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MAG: A close friend coached me early on and gave me a great advice. He said that it’s okay to be nervous, but not to be scared. I never forgot that.

A failure is commonly defined as lack of success. I simply define it as a valuable lesson learned. We can all learn from our mistakes and change direction, which is not the same as failure.

IN OUR SHOES: Step us into the shoes of a Director of Global Equities at a leading investment bank. What is it like?

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MAG: Honestly, I’ll admit it was glamorous at first. I was traveling on business one to three weeks a month jetting between North America, Europe and Asia. The money was great and I was being challenged once again. Things however began to change for me when I was selected for a leadership program, which would promote me to a Managing Director.

The game had changed to something I had not been exposed to before. I was being prepped to be a master at navigating the corporate landscape to survive, watching my back at every turn, and essentially being groomed to win by a man’s playbook.

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IN OUR SHOES: What was the primary reason that led you to resign? That’s a lot of traveling for a mom with three kids at home. If the travel had been eliminated, would you have stayed?

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MAG: I would love to sit here and give you the socially acceptable answer admitting to missing my kids. The travel was absolutely grueling after a while and I did miss them, but it wasn’t the driver behind my decision to leave. The corporate game I learned to play and liked too much was changing me into someone I no longer recognized. I questioned who I was every day, and worse, I soon found myself playing this game at home. I could no longer distinguish between my identity at work and at home.

The money was excellent and my role was esteemed, but it pulled me away from the person I was.

IN OUR SHOES: What was the reaction of senior management at Deutsche Bank when you submitted your resignation?

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MAG: They were hands down shocked and in disbelief. They heavily hinted on more than one occasion at throwing more money at me to change my mind. I wasn’t surprised. Managers often use this easy approach, assuming that would be a quick solution to any problem.

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IN OUR SHOES: What did you do once you found yourself in the shoes of a stay-at-home mom?

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MAG: I absolutely loved being a stay-at-home mom and being with my kids! I embraced it all. I turned the house upside down and took on home makeover projects! I registered my kids in extra curricular activities, started driving them around, getting to know them, their teachers, my neighbors – all the things I hadn’t had the time to do before. I grew a large organic garden and began harvesting vegetables. I spent time with friends and family and just kept myself busy.

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IN OUR SHOES: It must have been a sharp change for you to suddenly be on a soccer mom schedule. You created a clothing line after only four months of being at home as a full time mom!

 

MAG: My intention after leaving Wall Street was to give myself enough time to focus on the next step. It just turned out that the next step for me was something that I had been passionate about my entire life – that is fashion and couture knitwear. The second I picked up an old pair of knitting needles, I knew that was it. I also had a clear vision for my store – a vision of a small boutique that felt like home, where each garment was lovingly made by hand, where every piece reflected the skill of the designer and the artisan, where the fabric would be so soft, one just couldn’t help but want to touch it, where the cut was so classy and design so timeless, one never had to worry about trends, where the client actually had a say in the final product. I started networking, designing, selecting fibers and colors, hiring professionals in order to grow my new business venture: a hand-knitted couture clothing line for women and babies. Four months later, I had filed to incorporate MAG Tricotes.

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IN OUR SHOES: Talk to us about the loss of your income. That must have been a substantial cut for a family of five given an established quality of life.

 

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MAG: It was a financial setback we were ready for.

 

My husband and I were prepared to downsize and sell our house, if necessary.

 

Lack of money doesn’t scare me. We have always lived within our means, no matter what those means were. We never carried any debt. After I had resigned, we made some adjustments to our lifestyle. I no longer needed to turnover my wardrobe every month. We no longer had a need for a live-in nanny. Seeing how my kids loved having me at home really shifted my priorities.

 

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Anyone can afford to quit the job to pursue one’s dream. We’re allowed to wake up one day and choose to be happy at work. What’s more important? My cousin graduated from Columbia University in the top 3% of her class. She had every lucrative job offer you can imagine. Instead she chose to become a park ranger in New York City. A great day for her is when she rescues a baby eagle that falls from its nest! Now that’s inspiring!

 

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IN OUR SHOES: Did your friends and family support your decision to resign?

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MAG: My mother was devastated. I’m her only child; she was extremely proud of me and was always bragging to everyone about my career success. She didn’t take the news well and was worried about how we were going to adjust with only one source of income for the foreseeable future.

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IN OUR SHOES: Malvina, you’ve achieved success working in Corporate America. Now you are venturing out on your own starting your own clothing line. Tell us some things that you want people to know about your approach to success.

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MAG:

 

I do not take no for an answer. When people tell me that I cannot do something, I just smile. I embrace every new challenge with open arms..

 

IN OUR SHOES: Tell us three things that your closest friends would be shocked to know about you.

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MAG: I am very open with those who are close to me, thus I’m afraid I can only come up with a couple of facts, if any. My friends would probably not believe this, but I am a 100% true blooded introvert. That’s not to say I’m anti-social. I just don’t enjoy small talk and empty chatter. When I have to go to a social event, I thank G-d when it’s over and I can go home and put my feet up. Introverts tend to engage in one long meaningful conversation – and that is what I enjoy most of all. The second little secret is that I was a pretty good rifle shooter for ten years in the Ukraine, earning second prize at a National competition. I’m also a control freak and a perfectionist – but I don’t think it’s a big secret.

 

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IN OUR SHOES: Tell us about the challenges you faced as you started MAG Tricotes?

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MAG: I can count on one hand the things I knew about starting my own business. I knew how to knit. I knew how to find the right people. I knew how to select fine fibers. I knew how to get people together for a common goal. That was it.

You don’t know what you don’t know. I didn’t know how to price my garments. I didn’t know how to track inventory. I didn’t know how to scan the tags or what search engine optimization was all about. The list goes on and on. Guess what? Today I know how to do all of those things. I am sure tomorrow yet another unknown will come up, and I am sure that I will overcome that challenge, too.

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IN OUR SHOES: Malvina, you appear to be a restless soul. Is that a true statement?

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MAG: Yes, I am absolutely restless. I am restless in my determination. As a perfectionist, I am constantly second-guessing: “Did I do it right? Could I have done it better?” I am never content with what I’ve achieved, I always want to do better.

 

Us women tend to be our own toughest judges. We often carry self-doubt on our shoulders, and second-guess our actions. Our goal is to always jump better. Men, on the other hand, always want to jump higher.

IN OUR SHOES: What led you to start a business striding such foreign territory without prior skills or experience working in the fashion retail industry?

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MAG: The career I had was admittedly glamorous given the money and travel. There was nothing more satisfying than my work.

 

The price I paid for that first class seat however was with my precious family time. It was simply time to shift my priorities and start something new.

 

The most important qualities I possess are: my passion, my impeccable customer service skills, my ability to find the right people for the right job, and a healthy belief in myself. The rest can be learned.

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IN OUR SHOES: Where do you see the future of MAG Tricotes? Tell us about your dream shoes.

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MAG: I see myself extending into home and ladies accessories such as crocheted purses and hats, hand knit cashmere covers for pillows and sofas. I’m also envisioning four more stores located in Greenwich, Manhattan, Beverly Hills and Aspen.

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IN OUR SHOES: Switching gears, as you know In Our Shoes also takes a stand for supporting career women in the UK. What is your perception of career women in London given your frequent travel there for Deutsche Bank?

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MAG: Working for many months in Europe, I discovered that a British woman’s lifestyle appeared to be more traditional than that of an American career woman. I saw how natural, and almost expected, it was for a career woman in London to call it quits and stay home after having a baby.

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IN OUR SHOES: What advice would you share with women who want to go after their dream shoes but are battling the economy’s pressures or are single moms?

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MAG: There will always be various pressures and challenges in life. There are some people who will wake up and say: “Today it’s not sunny, so I won’t do this” or “911 just happened, I can’t do it now.” We can only worry about things that are in our control, the rest are either obstacles to overcome, or simple excuses.

 

Living your life means just that: living your life. We only have one. Know what you want and go for it.

 

It’s better to look back and say “I tried and had a good run” rather than “I should have tried it and now I will never know.”

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IN OUR SHOES: Why did you choose In Our Shoes as the platform to host your first interview?

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MAG: I like working with people whom I can trust and I know I could trust you and your work here. I love inspiring other women AND being inspired by them.

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IN OUR SHOES: You are about to open your boutique in Scarsdale, NY on Mother’s day. Do you have any doubts about its success?

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MAG: My experience, my passion, and my intuition will lead it to success. I am nervous, but not worried. I just know:

 

If you want to succeed at something you have to wave away any fear of failure.

What inspiring advice. What we love about Malvina’s story is how she outgrew the corporate career shoes that no longer fit with her family life to pursue a lifelong passion with an optimistic spirit.

It also answers the pressing question swirling around every women’s lifestyle media channel: Why do women abandon the C-suite?

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Malvina’s label, MAG Tricotes (tricoter: “to knit”, in French) is a creative play on her initials (Alexandrovna is her middle name). This spring season Malvina Guretsky opens the doors to her luxury boutique in Scarsdale, NY. In her boutique she created an intimate environment, which allows Malvina to provide an unsurpassed personalized shopping experience to each and every client. MAG’ high-end, unique hand knitted and crocheted clothing line for sophisticated women and little girls delivers high end fashion with MAGnificent flair.

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You can visit MAG Tricotes boutique at 120 Christie Place Scarsdale, NY 10583 and online to preview the MAG luxury line of unique designer pieces at http://www.MAGTricotes.com.

: http://www.facebook.com/MAGTricotes.

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Have a empowering interview you want In Our Shoes to host?

Ready to sprint into your Dream Shoes?

In Our Shoes is committed to empowering women to slip into their dream shoes leading them to a profession they are passionate about. Have a business idea you’ve been tossing around but don’t feel you’re good enough? Ready to take the leap towards starting a new career or kick up your business a notch to reach the next stage?

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Discover your secret sauce for stepping towards success! Attend the Dream Shoe Coaching Seminar!

You’ll walk away with a fresh vault of ideas to jump start your journey to the next level surrounded by like-minded inspirational women for support!

 

If you’re a parent and admit to having no prior knowledge of what “attachment parenting” is, don’t feel bad. I’ve never even heard the term, but then again as your Shoe Hostess  swapping in and out of shoes each day, it’s not easy keeping up with the parent advice being dished around town.

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At first it sounded creepy. Rule numero uno I was told, is that children do not sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed.

Yet after meeting actor and author Mayim Bialik this week at one of her private book tours for “Beyond the Sling”  in New York City, I hereby retract my knee-jerk judgement call.  Rest assured readers, Mayim’s book on

attachment parenting  is not about chaining your children to your hip and becoming their forever slaves.

It’s about the principles around growing confident children and giving them the ability to build trusting relationships given the bonding time we as parents invest in. 

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A fun roll up your sleeves and set the record straight personality, Mayim made it clear that she in no way claimed to be the expert but rather a huge advocate for the principles behind attachment parenting. Blending her Ph.D. in neuroscience with her spirituality and grassroots mother’s instinct, she discusses how it has made all the difference in raising her two young children.

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What is attachment parenting? It’s tenets include nighttime co-sleeping, baby-slinging, nursing beyond year one and a natural birth sans any medical intervention. Getting ready to potty train my almost three year old,

I’m all over the chapter on “Elimination Communication,” a training method that has risen this curious mommy’s antennas.

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I asked Mayim  how she addresses this parenting style for working mothers like us who work that second-shift juggling it all at work and at home?

I said we don’t have the luxury of time to grow into these “attachment” shoes especially given Americans’  12 week maternity leave window of brief bonding opportunity. She acknowledged that there is no black and white answer, but pointed out that this type of parenting is also not for “white rich people” either. There are ways which working parents can still find time for bonding when they return home with their children. One recommend she had (which I actually wished I tried) was for working moms to get into the bathtubs with their babies and to set boundaries on co-sleeping such as maybe on weekends only. 

This is not an all or nothing approach, it’s based on your family, your normal, your  definition on how you as a working parent can best create that nurturing environment for your child.

Another area she addressed was how caregivers can folllow suit and continue with their unique style of attachment caregiving.

 

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She also answered the tough question which all mom’s struggle with, on discipline.

What do you do when your kid goes ape shit?

Attachment parenting entails a gentle discipline approach, she shares. There is no hitting involved but an approach which relies on preemptive parenting. It’s not about what you do when your kid goes ape shit in the moment, it’s about recognizing the problem the 1st, 2nd 3rd, 4th, 5th time you witness something that is bugging them. Separating, talking, addressing it up-front are all ways she suggests that parents can make it easier and handle better the next time around. I must admit readers, I’m not feeling this one hundred percent but she did get me thinking. We don’t always have to act when we react. There are opportunities for us as parents to take a breath, walk away, or in my case fall into “watch mommy run” mode, before we discipline. 

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On another note, I love that Mayim weaved in how easy it is for people to use the Internet as a platform to make big statements and then hide under the table anonymously leaving their bold words to hang loose and dry. ‘Tis true, everyone’s a budding journalist and op-ed voice for their topics nowadays. 

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Doing it with authenticity and integrity however is where we can make this new online media, all the difference. 

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On a side note, if you’re a thirty something American like me, you may recognize Mayim from her starring role in Blossom!  

.Have you subscribed to In Our Shoes?
 

Read of  my inspiring event attending actress and author Mayim Bialik’s private book tour for “Beyond the Sling”. Coming up!  Subscribe here.

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This just in from IOS reader Natasha Lowery,  an American Texan transplant, stay-at-home mom of four enjoying life in London (her husband’s company relocated to the UK). Given all of the recent headlines comparing the French to American parenting, Natasha reached out to In Our Shoes to shed some light on what’s not being talked about in the media - the culture clash on:

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how it feels to be an American parent on British soil.

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Natasha Lowery – True Blooded Texan who speaks her mind:

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‘The British tell us that we have well-behaved children (which has never happened in America!). I can see why, British children are left to rule the roost in church and other places. My husband and I set out parenting much like the French. We didn’t think it was good for our emotional well being to be exhausted because kids were loading into bed with us, making it impossible for us to sleep. The  kids were encouraged (still are) to use proper silverware, set a table, engage in conversation, etc. 

Since moving here however, we’ve actually lowered our standards, in part because of the culture around us.

Really? Because he threw a knife or punched his sister, that doesn’t require discipline?

my husband and I have become better parents with the Brits’ influence.

Shoe Hostess:

On my last trip to London I was in the company of a couple (the dad was a middle school science teacher) with their two young children. Looking back, I did find them endearing and soft spoken, not a bad example to follow. Thanks Natasha for bravely sharing your story with the universe here @ In Our Shoes - no judgement calls, although I do believe knife throwing in public places is indeed a safety issue requiring proper discipline. 

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Americans love the Brits and while there are bound to be differences in parenting styles due to cultural attitudes, it sounds like moms and mums are very much on the same front when compared to the individualistic parenting going down in France. Still, as your Shoe Hostess I’m not here to talk about the French. I’m here to talk about all the shoes which moms and mums wear – yes even when living on foreign soil.

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.Afternoon tea anyone?

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Ask me about upcoming seminars in NY and London that will kick start you into your dream shoes!

Subscribe to In Our Shoes.

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Guess what Guardian readers said when asked what policies they would change to better respond to issues affecting working women, had they the superpowers in Parliament?

Establishing “family friendly” working practices.

Encouraging more practical and practised flexible working and job-share schemes.

Funny, that’s what American work moms would shout out considering the

underwhelming 3% representation of women leaders within the largest companies in the US and UK.

If Congress and Parliament looked even closer, they may deduce that

more sponsorship and mentoring programs are needed high fiving women superstars up through the upper echelons of organizations.

Still the optimist in me whispers, ‘if you declare it, it shall come‘. Our daughters will one day enjoy a more satisfying life juggling it all when growing their families. They have to, today’s work moms and mums are no light weights – media shout outs like this are aleady paving the way.

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I’m ready to hit the road to meet the much esteemed interior designer Ann LeConey who has been dressing up celebrities homes around the world for over 25 years. She dishes to In Our Shoes on how she began her business from scratch with not 1, not 2, but 3 triplet boys to raise – now that’s some serious juggling.Subscribe here

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You asked, In Our Shoes delivered!  Dear readers, the new “Hot Spots” link is now available on tab above. These are the shortcuts to the most popular post footprints at In Our Shoes. Smuggled here are the tactical tools, solutions and wisdom found here and from my guest column in London’s Here is the City global financial news. Enjoy!

 

Most Popular Sole Spots

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Career You

• Killer Negotiation Strategies for Women.

• Sexy Soft Skills: Why Charm will get you everywhere.

• Hush-Hush: Going Silent at the Bargaining table.

• Let it Rip!: Four Steps to Succeeding at anything.

• One Shot to Nailing your 2 Minute Commercial in Today’s Job Market.

• Gems of Advice from America’s NAFE power women.

• Risky Business: Risk nothing, Gain nothing.

• Morsels of Career Wisdom from New York University.

• This is how they’ll do it: UK Work Mums Juggling it All.

• Brit Maternity Leave: Blessing or Curse?

• The article that ruffled some mens’ feathers – (I was not serious!).

Adventurous You

• Meetup Madness: Get online to Create Change (offline).

• Find your Female Village: Why ‘Collecting’ Women is a must.

• Linking in Girl Style.

• Free Fall into a Radical Pair of New Shoes.

• Trekking to Great Britain: How I ‘pick up’ inspiring women on the road.

• Princess for a Day: Hanging with the Royals in a Castle.

Beautiful You

• Hey Beautiful. Let’s Celebrate.

• Hot Pockets: Strut your Confidence in the Office.

• Get inspired. Create your ‘This much I know’ Creed.

• Celebrate your Sweet Successes (even the teensy ones).

Mommy You

• The SuperMom Myth – Forget it, you can’t do it all.

• Mirror Mirror: American Girl or My London Girl Doll?

• Need a Mommy Time out? Go ahead, Run!

• Lose your brain for a day.

• Living a Life without Regret.

• Find your out when Doing it ALL.

• Six Bizarre Things every New Mom should know.

• Your Road Less traveled: Carving a Life from Magic Mold.

• How do you keep all engines firing? Here’s my secret.

• Forget perfect, Start Peeling your Onion.

• Be your Biggest Fan First!

Featured Movers and Shakers

• Meet a Female Rainmaker.

• Meet a British Royal and Unconventional Work mum.

• Meet a British Transplant and NY Success Story.

• Meet a Fashion Designer.

• Meet a Trail Blazer and Cancer Survivor.

• Inside the home of an International Acclaimed Artist.

Recommends

• Half a Wife: If you’re only 1/2 there ALL of the time (UK).

• Eat. Pray. Love.

 

Subscribe to In Our Shoes or Share below.

Am I a bad mommy? It’s crossed my mind before.

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The question rears its head again as I find myself  amongst the stay at home mommy’s who share their daughter’s coming out American Girl doll experience. It’s the pilgramage parents make across major cities in the US: a visit to the celebrity doll store.  I used to think it was an American thing, the race to scoop up the latest trendy goods for our children. Forget the steep price tag, only the best for princess.

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Sadly, I learned our mother ship is no better. 

The shopping bug has stung the UK as well I’m afraid.

Yes, the My London Girl doll shop swung open its doors late last year in our favorite English city.

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For those not in the know, these dolls are selected based on the physical likeness of the lucky little girl that calls it its own. We’re talking the same hair style and color, eyes, skin tone and yes even down to dress up and personal fashion statements dear readers.

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Still I hold the line. My six year old has yet to comb the matching auburn tresses of her American mini-me doll. 

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The chats I have with stay at home moms on those rare playdates I have time for, often veer into the haves and have nots of our children. There’s not much wiggle room for me (the now and again black sheep) to pipe up and say that I can smell the marketing ploys of these capitalizing toy makers.

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Parents take the forbidden bite that sells. The secret to building confidence in our little girls lies simply in their “mirror mirror on the wall“.  Sorry, but the fixation on the whole matching mini-me thing kind of wigs me out plus I don’t really get it. Don’t we want our kids to appreciate beauty in all of the skin and hair palettes which paint the world’s landscape?

American Girl’s  “follow your inner star” mantra seems a bit twisted given the beauty myth they’re selling,

not to mention conflicting for parents if teaching your child that beauty is only skin deep.

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On to more important matters. I have a bone to pick with  Thomas the Train whom little girls also love to play with. 

When oh when will a splendid pink engine be added to the steam team to prove her railway worthiness? 

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Sir Topham Hat: are you listening?

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Subscribe here.

“It’s imperative to put our talents to good use—and not to contribute to more meaningless shit out in the world.”

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This just chirped over twitter from the CEO of UK branding agency Wolff Olins. These guys are the same ones who drove the RED Campaign (very cool) and scored the contract to design this summer’s Olympics logo.

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These words got me thinkin’. Mister CEO (Karl Heiselman) went on to say that as a firm they are all about branding first and foremost.  Yet at its purest form Wolff Olins’ identity is shaped by standing behind socially responsible projects that they “encourage” their clients to commit to if they sign on with them.

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In other words, they’ll  think twice before taking on a client if they don’t agree to stomp a footprint into the world which makes a “relevant social impact.”

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Whoa. Now that’s inspiring. You’re toying with the purse strings now W.O.;  We like how you roll. .

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This message resonates here at In Our Shoes and should be with anyone caught in the act of doing in this life.

Do what you love, we’re told at a young age. Follow your dreams, we tell our children.

I do it everyday when I run home to bring you the latest scoop from women’s events or scribing up interviews and tips to share. My writing is at my core. Still I don’t write for the sake of writing.  I write to inspire change in women, hard working women who are strung out on juggling all of the balls thrown at them day in and day out.

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So yes do what you love, but while making a small dent and becoming  ”a force for improvement” in this world.

Why thank you Wolff Olins for tweeting us that message at week’s end. I’m quite sure that if a parenting magazine landed your interview, you would have added that it all starts with moms and mums shaping the world in the first place.

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British working mums, that is. This just in from the UK’s Guardian news this morning:

Full story at: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/dec/11/free-childcare-millions-tax-mums - the very reason why In Our Shoes has turned its focus on:

Supporting working mums in the UK.

If free childcare comes to pass in Great Britain, this will be a game changer for women’s career advancement in the country. Interestingly, while the maternity benefits rock compared to what American moms get, doesn’t being out for a year leave a huge gap and risk to having potentially stale skillsets? I was out for a mere 3 months after pregnancy. It was difficult getting back into the swing and applying my technical acumen after being on baby brain for such a stretch. That, coupled with the isolation I felt being at home compared to the camraderie at work was a huge hurdle.

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More power to British women if free nursery takes effect. Speaking to the mums I met, the reason they opt out of going back to work is simple: child care costs and salary are a wash, so why bother?

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Just wrapped up two 6am interviews with extraordinary women in London and Denmark this week before hitting the road to the day job in New York’s concrete jungle.

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Did someone say sleep? I’ve forgotten what that is. I heart South American coffee!

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 More to come, Subscribe here.

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Thanksgiving. I could have slept in late, brewed my longed for espresso while catching the morning news; maybe pruned the rose bushes while my little ones hit the see-saw. That would have been practical and maybe even well deserved considering my chaotic work life at the moment.

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Alas, I’m the girl who needs to be on the move; for now that is. I’m still waiting for a reason to slow down.

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Having worked many hours for the day job and cramming in late hours for women interviews , I crashed by the time I hung my hat at home. Barely rested, stickey eyes, (slept-in contact lens, rare circumstance when that happens), I pulled a cold shower, packed the overnight bags and crafted an adventurous scene to my critters of the impromptu train journey we were about to make.

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They cheered me on with a loud: “Yayyyyy!” and just like that, the three of us were off.

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Munchkins (below)- soaking in the Hudson Valley on their way to see their Aunt. 

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Me – (behind the camera)  sipping my tea in quiet meditation on the choo choo train. These stolen moments are when I do my best deep thinking.

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There’s something to be said about being in transit, going to the next place, what or who may be waiting on the other side…

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My kids are not going to remember the home cooked meals I had no time to make.

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They’ll recall the journeys we took together and their spontaneous imperfect mom who showed them a life that was far from boring. 

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I’ll take it.

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Yes you read right. Mommy needed her own time out this week.  I don’t scream. I don’t yell. I don’t hit my kids when they’re bad. I’m the mom who crouches low, looks them square in the eye and and sternly informs them of their no good act. If I’m really needing reinforcement, I’ll proceed to slap the back of their hands a few times followed by a one-two-three-four march over to a corner.

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If one child cries I deal. If another child cries shortly after, I deal some more and patiently hold the line. If both kiddies cry in unison, mommy sometimes needs to hightail it out of there. This was one such week.

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Avoiding any lash out, I simply fled the scene. All bets off, I raced up the stairs with them chasing my tail, slammed my bedroom door and locked myself in. They knocked madly on the door screamng “Mommy come out!”, but I didn’t answer. “Please mommy please!”, still I kept my cool. Finally I called through the precious walls that separated us and announced: “Mommy needs a time out guys, please step away!”

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Then there was silence. Peaceful serenity. The kind of silence where I could cuddle under my covers with a good book. The kind of silence where I could meditate. The kind of silence that screamed ” Yes, there is a God!”

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After approximately 3 minutes of this heavenly silence, I couldn’t take the suspense anymore, I had to know what they were up to. I tiptoed softly to my door and slowly stepped out. Where could the gremlins be? What are they doing?

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I found them in my eldest’s room in parallel play. One reading, one doodling. That my dear readers is all it took to get my children to stop crying.

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When the cup runneth over, work mamas don’t fight it. Run for the hills and take your time out.

Take our 5 minute survey

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Last week, due to a work fire drill, I cancelled a much needed catchup coffee date with a girlfriend, also a working mama. Her reply when my raincheck text came in?

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“Np, I’ll remove your slot from my Outlook”.

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Laughing out loud I texted back: “Um, are you joking? Tell me you didn’t input our 20 minute coffee catchup into your online calendar?!”

 

.“Of course not. I synched with my iPad.”, she touch typed.

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I’ll admit, I keep an electronic calendar handy through my Hotmail account, but mainly it’s used for the bigger stuff – you know kids meet ups, key dates off the school calendar, a much needed kayak escape I’ve penciled in months ago. This system of mine was chugging along just fine, until one day I couldn’t login to Hotmail due to some maintenance going on. With only one day reminders setup, I almost missed an event going on at my daughter’s school! Fortunately, my neighbor (also a working mom) saved the day and all was back on track again.

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Ironically, a few weeks ago I bellowed a jolly laugh after learning of the dinosaur scheduling system she used.

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A big boxy old-fashioned calendar taped to her kitchen cabinet; simply color coded based on each member of her family. “It works.“, she said.

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I get that. Still I couldn’t convert. I changed my Hotmail calendar to 3 day reminders and my world is well again.

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So here I am reaching out to IOS readers. How do you manage your “busy”? Take our 5 minute survey and do tell!

July 4th weekend. The year has reached its midmark. I enjoyed colorful fireworks dazzling me with their sparkle, dusting me with their magical brilliance. (Tinkerbell is big in my house).  I can’t help but feel that this is the season for resolutions, not summer soirees; Looking up at the sky, I consider if I’ve committed to my Jan. 1st promises. Are they even slightly underway?  Am I at least 50% there? Now I’m prorating this out.

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Tomorrow in the office, the single and parentless will ask the obligatory: “So, how did you enjoy the long weekend?”. I’ll probably respond with my obligatory fib: ”It was fabulous. Kicked back, lots of me time.”.  One day I’ll stop doing this. Sometimes it really is easier to agree with everything – it’s an office timesaver..

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Truth be told? Long holiday weekends are no relaxing hiatus for this working mama. I suddenly envy the stay at home moms who keep that ”summer place”. School is out and I breathe a sigh of relief because I’m not on homework duty anymore, but at least that workshift kept me in one physical location. Summer, on the other hand leaves me physically exhausted running around in the race to visit everything the warm weather craze bestows: aquariums and boardwalks and beaches oh my.

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Yesterday, I rushed to the public spray ground, then the next door play ground to air dry my kids because in my mad mommy rush I forgot to bring towels, not like the other proactive parents shrouding their kids with their fluffed egyptian cottons. .

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With several deadlines looming on all fronts – a speaking engagement coming up in Boston, an unwritten project plan for a project I’ve committed to weeks ago, some meets with other writers, two interviews, my mind races as to how I’ll make the cut.  I take a breath…….then another…….still another. I wish I’d paid attention to all of that well meaning advice on the positive effects of meditation.

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But (that’s with a capital B). I’ll make it, because I have to. Some things are non-negotiable.  My sister has just left for the long drive back home. I say bye-bye to my favorite baby sitter deserting me with a wave as she backs out of my driveway. My children’s father had not been feeling well and I’m once more burning all cylinders solo. Sacrifice has now spilled over into working on national holiday time. Do I bite my lip in frustration? All of the time.

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Is juggling it all still worth it? You betcha, because one day (you will feel it) this will all pay off.

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Do what you love at any price.

Looping back with super mama Debra Farber she shared more of her extraordinary strength since our inspiring interview last year. She had just wrapped up her divorce settlement and was enjoying a new life with her kids in her new NYC pad having left prominent Short Hills, NJ, a leading ace of a US school district.

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Wow. This is the stuff that women are made of and I wanted to hear all about it.

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Taking on even more now as a single working mama, Debra shares the the flip side of the divorce coin. The one that bespeaks freedom, enjoying the selfish “just for me” time we pine for when raising our little ones.

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Divorce she says opens up so much time for yourself. After it’s over, it’s literally starting a new life again.  Think about it. When you’re married, your husband is another child in the family. Working mama or not, the woman is always the one doing it all: making doctor appointments, staying on top of homework, cleaning his dirty socks because you’re washing piles of it anyway. He  was never home, so once he becomes “the Ex”, you don’t really feel the void. It was you the whole time and you were always doing it alone; only now it’s official.

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Fast forward to the single life. Now the man is taking the kids off your hands predictably from week to week and you can plan a personal life. The kids are getting in the time they need with their dad and you dahhling now have more time to yourself. Not such a bad deal.

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“In your forties“, Debra shares, “your life is half over, why bother waiting until your fifties when you can start your life over now?” It’s probably the best time to cut the cord.

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I immediately see her point. Women do not necessarily want to remarry. They are perfectly happy making the time to do the things they love.

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Laughing, Debra says: “When did I ever have a weekend to myself when I was married?! There’s an unfair perception out there that the woman always wins. Well guess what? Women, especially stay at home moms, now need to go back to work again and continue to juggle it all.” Still it’s worth it.

 
Debra shares: “I’m not trying to paint a rosy picture here. Divorce is ugly, expensive, vindictive and when it’s finally over, guess what? You’re like: ‘my life begins’“.

This is what a blogger sounds like when she’s run out of gas. Today on yet another mission to keep all 6 cylinders running across work, kids, house, doctor visits and grocery shopping (ok that was only 5 but you get the picture) I, in my exahusted run-down state of being, rear ended into a perfectly innocent car waiting at a stop sign in front me.

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Fast forward to the: swap of Insurance cards, phone numbers, car registrations, filing obligatory police report, photos of damage. snippy back and forths.

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I dragged myself home in a dizzy stupor and asked “What just happened?”

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Let it be known ladies, women cannot Do it All. It’s a myth we tell ourselves so we can artificially refuel to take on even more (it’s our unstoppable gene).

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• Yes, we can multi-task.
• Yes, we are awesome communicators.
• Yes, we can juggle many things.
• But no we cannot do it all, unless we choose to kill ourselves trying.

Besides, is it really worth it?

I can’t speak for other bloggers, but here’s an unspoken tidbit about the risk we take each time we hang our lives out to dry here with each post.  We’re always tossing around just how nakedly honest we’re allowed to be with ourselves and then everyone else.  Today was just one of those “To post or Not to post” moments.

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This week I was home with the kids who are on winter break. It took me three days to resist many a working mommy outburst to stay cerebral while flipping to the Noggin channel for the upteenth time. I resisted everything: changing diapers, throwing the garbage, wiping down the couches from those “oh so not stain safe” magic markers. During each mommy meltdown I obsessed: “I’m better than this. I’m better than this. I’m better than this!”  

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Then after a game of snowball play today, I looked up at the crisp sunsetting sky and thought “Wow, I’m having an amazing time staying home today”. Suddenly the drone of my day-to-day routine sucked me in cold.

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Don’t get me wrong, I still look forward to post 9pm when I get “me” time all over again, but today I couldn’t figure out why I ever resisted these fleeting magical moments with my kids (and they are fleeting). When we’re well into our eighties, we’ll ask ourselves this question again!

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I’m proud to say this upward career gal finally woke up not missing work. Plus technically, I had put my noggin to work with this frosty masterpiece —>

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Who knew?

Today I was offered an indecent proposal. Lose the day job for another opportunity, Wall Street (where else?), five day work week, more cash, more challenge, more career in the realm of IT. This came from a mentor I hadn’t seen since grad school.

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I’m not saying I”m not feelin’ grateful in this economy to be given this dangling carrot. It’s just that this city slicker has climbed many a ladder to get the flex-time she’s enjoyed with her kids. 

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On the commute back from the Big Apple tonight, I (shamefully) tossed the pitch around in my head and whether I would get voted off the island.

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Then I opened my e-mail and caught this:

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http://www.anauthenticlife.com/?p=3561

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I love her close; there’s no right or wrong answer,  just the one you live without regret.

I haven’t been looking for Divorce stories (at least I don’t think so). I suppose there’s always that knee jerk “Ohhhh…” reaction when you first learn of a couple calling it splits. Maybe it’s surprising to hear twosomes moving on from one another with babies still in tow.

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Now more than ever partners would be expected to stick it out in this tough economic climate. Right???

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Over the summer there was a great earthy mom I bonded with. Her son became my daughter’s best pal at camp. She made no qualms about announcing her newly single status. She also happens to have three-year old twins and a 5 year old. She was on the fence about whether she was moving back with her folks or winging it on her own. What floored me is when she shared how she felt her marriage was over 2 1/2 years ago. My mathematic mind quickly calculated and thought: “but your twins were only 6 months old!”

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Wow.

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I was immediately worried for her because yes we can survive, but what a deck to be holding.

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Then during a casual stroll down my street with my son, an older neighbor shared how his golden years are quickly rusting with the news of his son’s marriage just pronounced over and the cleanup he and his wife are doing to take care of the grandchildren.
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Another Wow. Noone ever talks about the toll on the relatives now forced into separate spousal camps.

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Then there was the D news of my daughter’s dance instuctor with 3 boys, and the list goes on and on.

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I asked my husband if he thinks we’ll make it. His answer?

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“As long as you continue to be a Golf Widow, we’ll be just fine!”

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I guess that sums it up then. Living the life we love while co-existing with our other halves. I can’t complain, the compromise is there. He gives me my writing time and is behind this “moonlight career” of mine.

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For all you Mamas considering the big D or already with it underway, I am humbled by you. It is clear, you have chosen a life of authenticity and despite the circumstances are forging forward. No more Wows from me, just lots of well wishes for walking the walk in your shoes.

 In Our Shoes extends a warm welcome to working mom Debra Farber, a six time marathoner, breast cancer survivor and founder of Fit-2-Run, a growing fitness training and running company she kicked off just two years ago in her hometown of Short Hills, NJ. A few minutes into my interview, I soon learned that Debra delivers far more than just fitness regimens to her women clientele. As they follow her lead, Debra breathes life into her clients’ lives by motivating real change. Read on for her inspirational story.

 

You have been an avid athlete since college, yet only recently have you begun a fitness career.

 

Why now?

True, however after college I’ve always held jobs within the health care industry. Before I started Fit-2-Run I was on a successful career track in pharmaceutical sales working in New York City. Then in May 2008, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. At that time I reached what I would best describe as an abyss. I realized life was too short. I was unhappy in my career and letting too much quality time slip away from family. So I picked up and left Corporate America a few months later to pursue a dream I’ve always had on the backburner: to run my own fitness business. Like most moms beginning to grow a family, I needed to do something which offered me flexibility so I can be with my two children; spending more time with them, then 4 and 5 years old, was always at the forefront for me.

 

 

How are you feeling now, two years after your diagnosis?

I consider myself blessed. The cancer was caught early on. I had surgery followed by the necessary radiation and am now undergoing heavy screening. Fortunately, my condition was not in the advanced stage. My diagnosis has made a huge impact on my life. It’s been quite a journey.

 

 

Financially speaking, what would you say to someone who can’t afford to walk away from the day job they have outgrown?

I do consider myself fortunate, as I was able to walk away from my career in 2009 without financial regret. However, I believe life is a frame of mind. When I was working in the pharmaceutical industry I was putting in too much travel. When I made a clean break, I didn’t care about the money. I knew I was never cut out to be a stay at home mom and so if I was going to work it needed to be something that spoke to me – a passion. I can’t describe the satisfaction I get when I’m able to pick up my kids from school and continue to juggle a business I love.

 

 

How much did exercise contribute to your healing?

It weighed in tremendously. Right after my radiation treatment and after a six year hiatus from running a race, I took on the New York City marathon – 26.2 miles! It was the therapy I so needed. With two kids, running a business, keeping the cancer at bay, I don’t have time to be tired. If one day I am feeling tired, it is what it is. You become a salmon swimming upstream. You just do it, that’s it.

 

 

Tell us about your business Fit-2-Run.

I started Fit-2-Run to train and coach those who have a fitness goal in mind and you’ll find that this is unique in everyone. Mine is a very grass roots kind of business. I’m contacted by women who have never run before and others who want to train for a marathon. Some of my clients are busy working moms who need their running fix right before heading into the office. Others are new moms who crave their former bodies back. Some are even veteran runners who literally just need to get back on the track again.

 

 

How do you manage so many different client objectives?

I keep to a structured schedule based on individual goals.

For Post Natal fitness, I’ll host group workouts focusing on core conditioning, increasing strength and flexibility utilizing weights, bands and balls.

For the marathoners we’ll usually go out together where I’ll do individual training for all race distances depending on their comfort level.

Twice a week, I’ll hold running groups with different runs consisting of speed work, hill repeats, long runs and tempo runs.

For the working women, I developed a 30 minute express workout beginning at dawn, which works well right before their needing to jumpstart their morning commute.

 

 

Where do you normally hold your fitness training?

One of the things I love about my business is that I’m able to take my clients anywhere that works for them. I like to sit down and meet my clients for a cup of coffee where I can learn what it is that they’re trying to accomplish. If they like to be outdoors for example, I’ll take them on a hike or to the track. Some prefer a one-on-one workout where they’ll set up a space in their home. It all depends on what works best for the individual. I love the variety and my clients appreciate the flexibility, so it’s a win-win.

For my classes I’ll rent space in a dance studio. This morning I just did a group run and I’m still reeling from the rush where I can kick back on a bench and share what I have created for myself, especially now in the budding Spring season.

 

 

Do you also train men, or is your business exclusively geared towards women?

When starting out I didn’t set out to target only women, but so far they are the clients I’ve most attracted. It’s empowering to see networks building among these women from my classes. In my sessions, I try to match up similar runners to train together thereby motivating one another. Running becomes a springboard for achievement in your life and is a huge outlet for all of us. I have always run for my own enjoyment, but with my business it’s been far more rewarding and therapeutic than I could imagine.

 

 

When first starting out, how did you attract clients?

I started out very bare bones. I first posted flyers around town. I did have business cards made initially, but I have to say the local word spread quicker than the newer methods: business cards, web sites, marketing. Today, I do have those things in place to keep my business growing but I guess you never know what will cause that initial spark until you try different avenues.

It was thrilling to learn that there was a market out there where people were looking for someone like me to get them on the right track towards their fitness goals.

 

 

Where do you see your business in the future?

The next step for me is branching out into kids’ fitness, teaching them the importance of exercise and introducing them to sports specific training. I’ve had much interest from moms who have children already involved in sports. For some, they’re on the track team looking for focused training. There are the high school teens who want to train to run cross country. And then there are those kids on the opposite spectrum who may not be into sports but their parents want them to give it a try.

 

 

What challenges do you face regularly?

The most challenging aspect of my busy routine is managing my kids schedule alongside my business. I try to schedule my training early mornings, mid afternoons and weekend mornings. I generally try to steer clear from booking any evening sessions because it doesn’t lend itself to my children’s schedule.

I’ve also been struggling with the question of how quickly do I want to expand? The opportunities are there, I need to decide how I want to take them on.

 

 

How do you manage meals for your family?

I’m a mother like anyone else. I manage to have simple nutritious meals ready. I’ll sometimes pick up healthy food options from Trader Joe’s or sneak in good protein dishes with brown rice, chicken and pasta.

 

 

What advice would you give to someone who wishes to step into her dream shoes?

One of the best gifts I was given was a journal from two close running friends. They said “this is where you’re going to start writing down your dreams” and it was. I carried it around with me everywhere and wrote down everything I wanted out of my life. It’s a gift I’ll never forget. I would encourage every woman to crystallize their goals by first putting pen to paper!

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