This just in from IOS reader Jamie Croft, former Talent Acquisition Recruiter, semi stay-at home mom here in the States to a three year old boy and just getting her feet wet back into her career. She dishes to In Our Shoes on the dirty little secret women like her who used to be somebodies in the working world don’t talk about.

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‘To be honest my son is almost 3 and I am feeling so bored. I HATE play groups and playdates, I am over it and could care less about the BS stay at home moms talk about. I guess it depends on the moms but in my area it’s hard to find good ones. Is that mean? My son is getting so independent now, I find after he gets up from his nap, he plays by himself and I feel kind of useless. He plays with his puzzles and trains and sometimes asks for me but not half as much as he used to. ‘

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Jaime has started to pick back up her recruiting career part-time while at home. In Our Shoes asked how she feels getting back on the work saddle.

‘Its not about the money right now but to get my mind going!’

‘I LOVE being frazzled and emailing and talking on the phone and texting all at once to my candidates and clients. I miss recruiting and that high I get when I land people jobs. Now, I’m just making sure it works with my son’s schedule. So far so good!’

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We hear you Jaime. Women rock at multi-tasking and why (sshhhh, you didn’t hear it from me) we really are the superior sex.  Thanks for sounding off to us, no judgement calls here. Feels good doesn’t it? 

Readers: Have something to sound off about? Get in touch! Anonymity is welcomed here.

Subscribe Today.  

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Up next…full interview with Danielle Curzon the British royal who waved bye bye to the aristocracy and is a work mum just like the rest of us juggling it all only as the UK’s first female referree for the MMA (Mixed Martial Arts – I didn’t know what that stood for either!)

Back in the day when I was very green inching up in Corporate America, if someone gave me a compliment on my hair, dress or some deliverable I had churned out with my best sweated effort, most times I felt awkward and pretty antsy about taking the godforsaken compliment. I’m sure there are plenty of psychology books out there oozing with explanation on this reaction from women (versus men). The act of shoo-ing away praise that is.

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But as your Shoe Hostess, I’m not here to tell you why we women think and do these bizarre things.  I’m here to say. Nay, I’m here to shout that 

if someone gives me a compliment today I’ll straighten up, look them square on and say: “thank you“.

I may also follow it up with a brief nod of acceptance. Work it like the Queen would as she looks on into the crowd approvingly.

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With that said dear readers, I share some In Our Shoes news. I’ve received word today from the editors of BlogHer.  

I’m proud to shout out that I’ve been featured on their What’s hot section of BlogHer’s Career channel this week for my posts on Soft Skills bringing Sexy back and  One Shot at Resume/CV success. So if you’ve missed them last month, be sure to take a peek and thank you, BlogHer!

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It’s the 12th day of the year. Have you celebrated your sweet successes yet?   Do share at Marisa@InRShoes.com and I’ll shout it out and link back to you here on In Our Shoes!  It’s time.

It’s time for you to take a bow.

A bit of inspiration I picked up when visiting the British Library in London  from the man who brought us Sherlock Holmes:

“I am tending my little literary sprouts and making them into cabbages” – Arthur Conan Doyle in a letter to his mother regarding the progress he’s made as a writer.   

 

 

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He said next time he’d bring his gear. I thought “Am I insane?“  Probably, but that never stopped me before. I’m talking plane jumping that is. Seems I’ve reached a new low or high depending on how you look at it..

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I work with an intriguing Oz man who blows into town every few months from our office in Melbourne. He barely talks about it really, but yet again with each work dinner I bring it up like a child who can’t wait to hear that one last bedtime story.

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So tell me all about it. What’s it like?  I ask yet again.

 

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When he’s not programming for us down under, my workmate from Australia is jumping out of planes professionally and I’ve just  signed myself up for my first jump in his care. (big gulp).

If I can skin and gut a rabbit with my bare hands for British royals,  this should be but a breeze.

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I meet with bff for dinner and drinks tonight; Manhattan is more fired up than ever. I tell her that I’m going to jump out of a plane.  I thought she’d shake me up and down, slap me silly or order me a stronger drink.  Instead she leans into the table, looks me square in the eye and says ”Can you take me with you?”

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We proceed to vent on how difficult it is at times, juggling it these days in the Big Apple as career women and parents in this economy. She the attorney, me the IT somebody and writer. Both of us just peaking in our careers. Out of college, it was smart and sexy to be wooed by Corporate America when we were single. We should have played dumb before settling down  – we laugh, reaching our usual “if only…” moment.

Working mothers don’t need more coffeee. What we need  is to jump out of planes.

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 Fabulous 2012 interview being delivered to you this week. You won’t want to miss it! 

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There are three things that stop time for me in this life: passing a red door, music from the strings of a solo guitar and wandering pure ocean country. The first two I don’t have much control over, they appear randomly in unexpected moments. 

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The last one however was very much in reach.

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Find your fix as you welcome the New Year.

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Coming up in 2012, we meet more inspiring working moms and mums.

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Here’s the lineup. 

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Subscribe here. Comment below.

 

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There’s a well accepted learning theory referred to as the “Four Stages of Competency” as whispered in the orb of psychology.

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We all have a star we’re shooting for, a personal success mission that’s been lingering. Experts say, if you mosey on through each of these stages (below), you’re on your way towards this quest for success. That is, as long as you’re up for learning the skills to get you there. Roll with me on this one.

 Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence

This is the stage where you have no inkling of how to do something and here’s the rub, you’re not even aware that you’re incapable. You rebuff  any value in learning a new skill in order to achieve success. This my dear readers is the scary stage, because you’re in denial. Until you accept its value and (ahem) your own incompetence, you’re unable to move onto Stage 2. 

 

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence

Ahhh, now your eyes are wide open. You recognize that you don’t know how to do something but that it’s relevant to what you’re trying to achieve. You’ve turned a new leaf and are eager to keep falling off the bike until you learn the skill well.

 

Stage 3: Conscious Competence

You’re in the deep end of the pool. Not only do you know how to perform this skill, you’re now working on perfecting it. You’re in deep concentration but still taking baby steps to get there. Your game is on. 

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence

You have had so much practice that the skill is now ”second nature”; you can practically do it in your sleep. You’re even ready to start teaching others your wisdom!

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I’d say most of us give up somewhere around Stage 2 1/2. This talk is easier said than done. Life is never easy, but isn’t it fun to dig in once in a while and let it rip?

Find your passion, accept your failures and most of all -  enjoy it.

An Italian saying I love: “Nella vita – chi non risica – non rosica.” -  He who risks nothing, gains nothing.

One life, best to make  it a good one. 

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A toast to 2012. Salute!  [sah - loo - te].

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 While nothing can beat the surreal experience of slumbering in a British royal castle on camera, I must say being a part of   Meetup.com’s movie was just as fabulous. I loved the energy and creative vibe of this media village.

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  <<< ——- Entering Meetup’s global headquarters in NYC.

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It felt a little strange being on  the other  side of the table answering questions about my writer’s life. I’ve become quite used to doing the driving around here! Airs in January, excited about In Our Shoes getting some more “air time” in the media!

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 Tomorrow, stay tuned for my:

 ”Sexy Soft Skills” for career success (goes for gents as well)! 

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I’m not trying to be a film star. I”m the writer, I tell myself with each morning stretch. This week however, another film opportunity has surfaced and now I’m thinkin’ there’s something spooky going on. 

Do S....

Do Something.

Learn Something.

Share Something.

Change Something.

Meetup dot com learned of my  British royal film debut and asked if I would be in their upcoming Meetup Movie highlighting the amazing experiences and opps people have had through the use of their community site.  They go on to say I’m one of millions of members chosen for the production set to start filming in Manhattan’s Chelsea district next week. What’s there to think about?  I accepted on the spot and am thrilled to once more take part in such a rare opportunity.

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For those of you who haven’t caught the bug, global http://www.meetup.com/ is a powerful tool you can use to change your life.  It ranks right up there in  my “try something new” shoes. Whether you’d like to try  a new sport, learn a new language, create new relationships, it all boils down to one thing – networking and connections and this my dear readers are what the experts say keeps us smiling.

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Research has swirled around, proving people lead far happier and satisfied lives when they belong to a group.

I’ve joined kayaking meetups, italian speaking meetups, cooking meetups, funky-jazz-in-smokey-bar meetups  and any women connections meetup that rears its head in Manhattan. You meet different personalities that in any other circumstance you wouldn’t imagine you’d have anything in common with, until you the hit the Meetup scene. From a businesss point of view, there are tons of powerful network opportunity groups forming each day around the world. These guys got it right and it’s addictive. .

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Tomorrow I attend: “Coming out on Top of Change“, a leadership conference empowering women to manage and create change whilst working in the ever fluctuating financial services industry – all to be smuggled right back to you here.

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TGIF everyone.

 

 Subscribe here.

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“I want something else, to get me through this life.” – Third Eye Blind 

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Manhattan skyscrapers evoke the “sky’s the limit” optimism, maybe that’s why we Americans come off as so upbeat? This week however, they weren’t oozing enough inspiration.

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Grabbed a girlfriend to join me in getting my Britannia fix in. My fave British haunt: Tea & Sympathy.  Owner Nicky Perry is a NY success story and working mum to a seven year old daughter. You know where I’m headed with this!

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Every woman who has contributed to this site via interview or story will respond to your query in the vein of inspiration or support. Reach out: Marisa@InRShoes.com.

In Our Shoes – the Working Women network. 

“Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you’d be better off instead” -John Mayer.

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Had I the time this week, I’d hunt for some great thinkers and philosophers who had much to say on this subject. Instead I was pulled into quite another direction.

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There’s a regular online column in the UK’s Guardian Observer section that interviews famous somebodies and then publishes their “wisdom” under the headline: “This much I know”. As far as I know, I haven’t been hunted down by any Guardian editors, but here’s my spin on it. This week it helped to find some of  *me*.

 

This much I know: Marisa Santoro

Noone ever got anywhere by being a one man army. Placing down the ego defense armor doesn’t make me less independent, it means I need help.

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As humans we are creatures of habit. That poses a problem for my bucket list which holds a few dozen game changers at the moment.

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The law of attraction holds everywhere in everything we’ve done. It’s why there’s really no room for regret.

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Children don’t cost us money, they have us look in the mirror and ask : “What’s next?”

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If I had the chance to open my own shop, it would be called “Atelier”; forming communion among creative spirits with sumptious prepared comfort food.

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Everyone has a bizarre fetish they keep under the table. Mine is collecting doors – photos that is. The more rustic and bruised and paint chipped the better. I’d like to share a red door with someone one day. I’m still waiting for my red door whisperer.

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If I had more time on my hands, I’d be working in a third world country teaching children to read.

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Beach vacations are only good if you mix with the native villagers and learn their story. Isn’t it offensive otherwise to just borrow their land for thrills?

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My Six words: Escape flight travel write to unite.

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Interesting fact I’m curious about: They say it takes 21 days to unprogram any one of your bad habits. I’d love to unwire my Impatience.

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Where my name came from: Marisa is originally from Spain and is a combination of Maria and Luisa.

 

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I’m a sucker for, clever conversation. Billy Joel was all wrong. I need to work that hard.

 

The real deal at the Guardian:  This much I know.Enough

 

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Subscribe here.

 

Your Shoe Hostess has safely returned to the States back to the hubbub of Wall Street trading. Besides struggling with the time difference she is feeling a bit dazed and confused thinking Ummmmm, what just happened?
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I can’t tell you how exciting it was to be part of a film set in such a historical setting.  Much to share on my castle filming adventure, but for now, here are some photos with Lord Gerald, Lady Emma, myself and the “cast” and my pitiful attempt at foraging mushrooms (last pic). More to come on this!

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I also want to acknowledge a special friendship I discovered while in London, someone I hadn’t seen in 18 years who has followed their childhood passion into an inspiring profession today.  These are the shoes I look for. Enjoy
 
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This week I treated myself to two back to back days of *me* time, once more in an In Our Shoes vein: surrounded by inspiring women. I shout this from the rooftop only because I started my week with sagged shoulders given the project plan I had just scribed in blood back at the office. “Plan the work, work the plan” had been my mantra for several weeks.

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My shoulders are still tired, but tonight I strut a little taller and guilt free; my time away from kiddies was more than well spent.

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I attended the first board of directors meeting  of a NAFE chapter begun in Manhattan.  I was humbled to have been invited to start the endeavor – shocking that the Big Apple hadn’t a group  in place already.  Lucky us, it’s empowering to make the first footprint! 

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Our members are women entrepreneurs as well as those well ascended within Corporate America. I introduced myself as a hybrid – my feet firmly planted in both tracks at the moment. We are women who want to mentor other women. Women who want to share the success stories and bring those work/life balancing secrets to the table. 

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A good half hour was spent discussing our chapter’s name. What would we call ourselves? The word “Warrior” was thrown out there as a must-have.  “A rose by any other name?” admittedly crossed my mind.

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Wow. I reflected on this after. These are the things passionate women care about:  who we are, what we stand for and the image we want to portray. This board wasn’t going to be a group of women starting a coffee clutch for networking.

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This circle was a microcosm of what women want out of life:  to be successful and to help others succeed.

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**So share, what kind of event would you want to sign up for? We’re reaching out so we can make that happen. Here’s what we have on the line-up so far. Take a peek and tell us your wish list!

Take our 5 minute survey

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Last week, due to a work fire drill, I cancelled a much needed catchup coffee date with a girlfriend, also a working mama. Her reply when my raincheck text came in?

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“Np, I’ll remove your slot from my Outlook”.

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Laughing out loud I texted back: “Um, are you joking? Tell me you didn’t input our 20 minute coffee catchup into your online calendar?!”

 

.“Of course not. I synched with my iPad.”, she touch typed.

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I’ll admit, I keep an electronic calendar handy through my Hotmail account, but mainly it’s used for the bigger stuff – you know kids meet ups, key dates off the school calendar, a much needed kayak escape I’ve penciled in months ago. This system of mine was chugging along just fine, until one day I couldn’t login to Hotmail due to some maintenance going on. With only one day reminders setup, I almost missed an event going on at my daughter’s school! Fortunately, my neighbor (also a working mom) saved the day and all was back on track again.

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Ironically, a few weeks ago I bellowed a jolly laugh after learning of the dinosaur scheduling system she used.

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A big boxy old-fashioned calendar taped to her kitchen cabinet; simply color coded based on each member of her family. “It works.“, she said.

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I get that. Still I couldn’t convert. I changed my Hotmail calendar to 3 day reminders and my world is well again.

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So here I am reaching out to IOS readers. How do you manage your “busy”? Take our 5 minute survey and do tell!

I recently met a candid warm Jordanian mom in my neighborhood. Luma loves to share her culture and where she perceives she fits in the American backdrop. Today I invited her over for an outdoor brunch.

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While on paper we may not have much in common, Luma and I always have a fabulous time sharing of ourselves. Today she spoke of her husband and how exceptionally conservative an Arab he is. She shared the story of when he was courting her back home in college where they met.  She liberally wore revealing clothing such as short skirts, trendy tops, styles that emitted her femininity. Once their relationship grew serious and she accepted his hand, he made one expectation known.  That he would wish her to always cover with a hijab thereby removing her from the roaming public eye.

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Even though Luma came from a somewhat liberal Arab family, she agreed to this request. It’s something she says that a woman from her background can choose to do if she wishes, but it is not necessary. She spoke of how she despised wearing it at first; it was constricting and suppressed her feelings as an attractive woman. Now, she says if her husband ever asked her to remove it (albeit an unlikely request) she could never do it. She’s become so accustomed to it, it would feel foreign for her to dress without it.

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Although a hijab is a far cry from a clothing accessory American women would embrace, her admission had me consider all the ways our relationships shape us permanently. Our way versus our partner’s way of living. How we adapt the other’s “normal” to become our own. How challenging it can be should we attempt to throw off the blanket we’re nestled in, because we’ve owned it for so long.

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Recognize the hijab in your life. Is it time for you to unveil?

This is what a blogger sounds like when she’s run out of gas. Today on yet another mission to keep all 6 cylinders running across work, kids, house, doctor visits and grocery shopping (ok that was only 5 but you get the picture) I, in my exahusted run-down state of being, rear ended into a perfectly innocent car waiting at a stop sign in front me.

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Fast forward to the: swap of Insurance cards, phone numbers, car registrations, filing obligatory police report, photos of damage. snippy back and forths.

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I dragged myself home in a dizzy stupor and asked “What just happened?”

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Let it be known ladies, women cannot Do it All. It’s a myth we tell ourselves so we can artificially refuel to take on even more (it’s our unstoppable gene).

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• Yes, we can multi-task.
• Yes, we are awesome communicators.
• Yes, we can juggle many things.
• But no we cannot do it all, unless we choose to kill ourselves trying.

Besides, is it really worth it?

I come from a family where the men over seventy still finish every sentence with the word “honey” when speaking to a woman.

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I come from a family where an unkind word swapped between brothers can take down communication lines for years in the name of preserving the respect of “The Famiglia”.

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I come from a family where sizzling garlic in olive oil awake your senses on Sunday mornings as you lay in bed salivating over the pasta sauce being prepared by Mama.

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I come from a family where fig trees with neighboring parsley and basil roots brush your legs when you walk up to our stoop in Brooklyn.

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My family’s name is “Santoro”, begun here when my father and his brothers decided to pick up their Sicilian roots and settle in the greatest city of the world.

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Last week I lost my Father:  Giovanni Santoro. For those who knew him, he was the life of every party. My only regret is that Hollywood never caught up with him because fuhhhgetaboutit, he was a real riot.

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I miss you Dad. Tua figlia Marisa.

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P.S.

To my juggling working supermama readers, word to the wise from a regretful Shoe Hostess.  Should you find yourself  attending a loved one’s funeral, be sure to accept all offers of babysitting throughout the arrangements. It will rest your mind and allow you to mourn gracefully with an unstressed soul!

What would one do if they were invited to spend an afternoon in Picasso’s villa with the man himself and all his artistic brilliance?  This was a question I asked myself as my husband, five year old daughter and I drove up to Connecticut on an invite to one of George Pali‘s homes.  If you don’t travel in art circles (and I confess no inside connections) George Pali is a renowned artist from Albania known for his breathtaking abstract paintings and collages that quite honestly pinch your soul upon first viewing and first “hearing” of the melodies exuding from their frames.

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We were attending his daughter’s engagement party. My husband is in the wedding party and is a great friend of the groom. Mr. and Mrs. Pali hosted a small reception at their main residence and you my faithful readers are hereby invited to walk through their domain with me… (more…)

 

 

The old me would linger at the cosmetic counter to match the right shade of pink lips. You might also find her dangling arm candy whilst considering if it worked with an evening outfit.

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This week on one of my city sprints from my suburban orb, I felt like celebrating me in a bold way. I considered:

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“What do I love about myself that makes me feel beautiful, sexy and alive in this road runner skin of mine?”

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It wasn’t exactly a laundry list, but what ranked number one was my strawberry blonde hair which (seriously) has never turned on me with grey. I love that it sparkles in the sun and when women strangers tap me on the shoulder to ask: “What number is your color?”!

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So today’s the day I celebrate me (and no, I don’t feel full of myself because of it!). These pictures were taken in NYC’s Bryant Park during a lunch break away from the office.

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What do you love about yourself that makes you Free to BE?  Now grab your ‘cam and have someone snap reminders so you’ll never forget! 

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Join the Movement: Own your Beauty.

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While I’ve always been a fan of making resolutions, I’ve never quite been with the universally accepted program that we cast them in by the first of the year. Even if your life is on easy street and you’re sitting pretty with all that surrounds you right now, eventually you will get the itch to draw a line in the sand and promise yourself: “this is what I want to change in my life and this is when I will do it“. It’s the internal deadline that we own and why I suppose I feel the New Year’s thing is much overrated.

 

Last year before the holidays, I committed to cracking open the window to allow stress to fly out and settle in someone else’s home where it may be more welcomed. For twenty something years I’ve granted too much power to circumstances I felt I had no control over. My programmed self was convinced these events were happening to me when in fact they were just sitting at my door innocently, packaged like one of those FedEx boxes that I never signed for.

 

Without sounding like this is an oversimplification of how to wrestle problems away, we need to start somewhere. Women who do it all will find ourselves in the eye of the storm constantly.

 

Find the “out” that works for you and commit to that for a while until your internal wiring knows of no other way.

 

Sooner or later the freedom you’ve just granted yourself will empower you even more.

Speed Friending arrives in New York – 11/19

The elevator door opened its jaws to admit visitors from the Super Sculpture section. In walked an elderly man with his wife and granddaughter smiling proudly in tow. He gingerly balanced his mini masterpiece, still wet from the last coat of color, on his flattened palms. It was an expertly crafted round café table carrying an assortment of food and a pair of goblets. Hugging it were two ornate “magic marker” painted chairs. The figures stood squarely on a small piece of cardboard that supported them.

 

My four year old daughter and I were mesmerized by the craftsmanship and patience that no doubt went into molding this artwork. I then looked down at the boring round ball I had made with my Magic Mold and wished I had been as creative.

 

We were after all at the Crayola Factory!

 

Nonetheless, my daughter had a fabulous time and I in turn really enjoyed watching her have a fabulous time.

 

Seeing the joy beaming from that family had me question.

 

Don’t we all aspire to carving out a life made out of Magic Mold?

 

Something of our own creation, not given to us or even earned by us because we held the right college degree or were in the right place at the right time?

 

There’s the path we follow because we must in order to pay our bills and raise our families. I get that.

 

Then there’s our other life, the one we really want to create. The one oozing of Magic Mold.

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