In Our Shoes welcomes working mum Danielle Curzon to our female village. Born and bred a British royal (her father is the noble Viscount Scarsdale), Danielle threw off the cloak of aristocracy and today is pursuing her dream in the UK’s Mixed Martial Arts circuit as Europe’s first televised female referee at UCMMA Cage Rage and juggling it all like the rest of us as a single mom with a two year old daughter.

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No stranger to proving oneself, Danielle was an international titleholder dressage rider, an international champion martial arts competitor, former bodyguard to Emma Watson and other celebrities and survivor of a near fatal pregnancy delivering her healthy baby girl (the one the medical experts said she’d never have).

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IOS: Fighter. Competitor. Proving yourself. Fearless. Danielle, these are the first words that came to mind before sitting down with you for this interview. Am I close or way off base here? 

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Danielle: I’d say that’s all true. I’ve been riding since I was three years old and was taught very early on to push myself. I grew up with a competitive spirit which was encouraged by my dad who yes is the noble Viscount Scarsdale but I do not follow any aristocratic lifestyle whatsoever today. I was an international dressage rider until I reached the age of 21. I won Horse Of The Year Show, Great Britain’s largest show when I was 9 and won over 20 national showing titles (including side saddle, national title) and then went on to represent the UK’s  U21 team. I also competed in America.

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IOS: Is it normal for a young girl that age to be groomed a dressage rider in the UK? 

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Danielle: Yes, horse riding is very much the norm and part of the aristocratic way of life. My parents never forced me to do it however. I enjoyed the competition.  Later on my mum wanted to me to do something else that would allow me to balance my studies at school and I eventually stopped riding.

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IOS: Your parents divorced early on, tell us about that.  

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Danielle: My parents divorced when I was 12 years old. I was really happy about it actually as they were both so unhappy in their marriage. The divorce was a news spectacle. My dad went on to marry a prostitute and my mother married an ex-bank robber! I was the only child and definitely not living a normal life by any stretch. After my parents divorce I learned money doesn’t buy you happiness and wanted nothing to do with the aristocratic life. I was very privileged and lived in a massive home. Today I live in a modest 2 bedroom house and I don’t miss that life whatsoever.

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IOS: What did you do after you stopped riding?

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Danielle: Well, I had started training in martial arts at the age of 12 for self defense. When I quit the horses, I moved martial arts up to my international sport. I fought very competitively and won titles abroad.  Martial arts became my second sport. Today I teach anti-rape self defense classes at a university. So many women suffer this sort of thing. 

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IOS: What is Mixed Maritial Arts?

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Danielle: MMA is a combination of stand up and ground fighting, Tai and Kick boxing. Often people just see fighters in a cage, but learning MMA is something every woman could benefit from.  Alot of it is using the person’s weight against them. I trained in the MMA for 5 years until I was unable to fight competitively due to health problems with my kidneys. So I started working as a bodyguard and became the personal bodyguard to Emma Watson and many other celebrities. I worked the night club doors and was part of the highest qualified security personell in the UK.

 

IOS: You went through a nightmare of a pregnancy. Tell us about it.

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Danielle: Before my daughter Alea was born,  I suffered two miscarriages about a year apart and was told I would never have children due to endometriosis. I then miraculously fell pregnant in 2008 and went through a horrendous pregnancy and after only 6 weeks pregnant, I split with Alea’s father. Then problems with my kidneys started; they failed due to eclampsia.  A condition in which one or more convulsions occur in a pregnant woman suffering from high blood pressure. I became dehydrated.  I was then diagnosed with Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) during my pregnancy. At 24 weeks I lost half of my water. I had to be injected with steroids. My daughter was delivered at 31 weeks by emergency C section and weighed only 2lbs 10oz. After having Alea, I then suffered from post natal depression and kept on anti-depressants which was the worst thing ever. I also had to quit fighting and later went into refereeing which is where I am now reffing the UCMMA (Cage Rage) show at the Troxy in London. It was a big setback for me, being unable to fight competitively again.

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IOS: Tell us about your daughter Alea and the challenges of being a mum.

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Danielle:  Having Alea was absolutely meant to happen for me. She was a miracle really. Alea is Greek for ‘queen’. So far it’s been the terrible two tantrums. When they look at you and do something and misbehave in public!

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IOS: Will you steer Alea towards any particular direction?

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My mom would like her to go to university. I’d like her to decide her own path. I want to offer her as many opportunities as she can have. I’m a vegetarian, but I allow her to eat meat. Until she’s old enough she can decide on her own if she wishes to stop eating it. I would encourage her, if she turns out to be a competitive person. My dad didn’t push me to do the horses, he gave me the opportunity and I loved the competition. He also took me Bunjee jumping when I was 10 years old which I also loved.

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IOS: What is it like mixing with other mums in the UK given your profession? Do you feel like you fit in?

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Danielle: I go on playdates or the local play centers just like any other mum. At first I wasn’t big on telling women I’m a cage referree. Today I don’t care anymore, it’s the skin I’m comfortable in and if someone doesn’t like it, that’s fine too.

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IOS: Did you have a nanny for Alea?

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Danielle: No, I’ve never had a nanny. My mom lives very close by and is helping me raise Alea. I also have my step sister around whom I’m very close to.

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IOS: What made you decide to go back to work after having Alea?.

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Danielle:  The UK make it is less appealing for mothers to go back to work after having children compared to the States. I work 16 hours a week. If I went back to work full time, after weighing out the child care costs I would lose the tax credit. Also, working full time meant not spending enough time with my daughter. It’s not financial viable by the time you do the math. Day care costs 40 pounds a day. It still doesn’t pay.  On the other hand, I cannot be a stay at home mom. I needed to find me as a person again after having Alea. I’m able to do that with my career at MMA which is on weekends.

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It was very difficult at first for me to get the balance of work training and spending time with Alea. My mom would often remind me that I wasn’t spending enough time with her. So I changed my schedule. I’m with her during the week days. It’s a part time job at Cage. I am also a NVQ assessor for security at Oxford University; I screen candidates. I work weekends reffing and the rest of the time I’m with my little girl.

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IOS: What is your view of working mothers in America?

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Danielle: I’m intrigued by them. Americans seem to have a stronger work ethic. The British look up to Americans really. It has crossed my mind many times to move there.  My dream is to make it into the UFC.

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IOS: Tell us about your career at Cage Rage. You’re the first televised female referee for the largest MMA show in the UK. How did that happen?

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Danielle: Reffing for the Cage Rage has been the highlight of my career so far. I had started working in the smaller shows. Then I got a phone call to judge the White Collar UCMMA from fight promoter Dave O’Donnell. From there he said I could referee while I was in the cage. It was a bit of a horrible time for me leading up the next UCMMA Cage Rage because I wasn’t clear on whether they were going to use me permanently. Then I got the phone call that I was a part of the team. All of the guys welcomed me to the family. It meant so much. It was truly a special moment. I have moved up the sky card. The whole of the cage rage welcomed me with open arms. I owe so much to Dave O’Donnell for believing in me and giving me my big break.

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IOS: What do you think when you watch yourself on TV?

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Danielle: When I watch myself, I look to see where I’ve made mistakes. Last night was a big night! I reffed Ben Smith, so I’ll be watching that again.

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IOS: What’s next for you?

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Danielle: My dream is to become a referee in the UFC. I have the greatest respect for Kim Winslow, the first female ref in the UFC. There’s only a handful of women in the MMA, I hope to promote them now that we’ve gotten maximum exposure on Cage Rage. Hopefully that’s what’s next for me.

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IOS: What would you tell people who think you were chosen because of your royal family ties? You would certainly bring lots of media attention to the show.

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Danielle: I have never once told anyone about my nobility. I was kind of embarrassed about it because I didn’t want people thinking I was a snob, especially Dave O’Donnell. Once I was televised however, I thought it’s all going to come out anyway into the mainstream media. Noone guessed that I was from that background. My life story is so bizarre, why would they?

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IOS: What are the challenges of reffing? 

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Danielle: Every referee looks for the safety of the fighters,  knowing when is the correct time to stop the fight: - too early or too late. Getting that balance right,  letting the fighters have a chance to defend themselves and not getting injured. Reffing involves  making sure there are no illegal moves, kicking to the groin, gouging of the eyes. That maternal instinct does kick in when someone is in your care who may not be able to walk out of the cage. I’m still learning and have made mistakes by stopping a fight a little too early or too late.

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IOS: What is the best piece of advice you would give IOS readers who want to go after the dream they’re after?

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Danielle: Persevere and find the right balance. You will find your own way.You’ve got to be happy just as we teach our children. Don’t put your dreams on hold.

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Have a question for Danielle? Reach out and I will be sure your e-mail is answered!

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What I love about Danielle’s story is that although she belongs to royal lineage that could have potentially opened any door for her, in the end it was her fearless spirit that led her to achieving the dream she was after. She’s also giving back by teaching women how to defend themselves and hopes to break the barrier for women in what traditionally has been a male dominated arena.  Danielle has her sights on America’s UFC, we hope Kim Winslow is listening! Cheering you on Danielle and many thanks to you for sharing your story with us at In Our Shoes. Danielle is currently writing an autobiography. My feeling is that she has quite a few more unwritten chapters to go! I look forward to hearing what’s next.

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This just in from IOS reader Jamie Croft, former Talent Acquisition Recruiter, semi stay-at home mom here in the States to a three year old boy and just getting her feet wet back into her career. She dishes to In Our Shoes on the dirty little secret women like her who used to be somebodies in the working world don’t talk about.

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‘To be honest my son is almost 3 and I am feeling so bored. I HATE play groups and playdates, I am over it and could care less about the BS stay at home moms talk about. I guess it depends on the moms but in my area it’s hard to find good ones. Is that mean? My son is getting so independent now, I find after he gets up from his nap, he plays by himself and I feel kind of useless. He plays with his puzzles and trains and sometimes asks for me but not half as much as he used to. ‘

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Jaime has started to pick back up her recruiting career part-time while at home. In Our Shoes asked how she feels getting back on the work saddle.

‘Its not about the money right now but to get my mind going!’

‘I LOVE being frazzled and emailing and talking on the phone and texting all at once to my candidates and clients. I miss recruiting and that high I get when I land people jobs. Now, I’m just making sure it works with my son’s schedule. So far so good!’

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We hear you Jaime. Women rock at multi-tasking and why (sshhhh, you didn’t hear it from me) we really are the superior sex.  Thanks for sounding off to us, no judgement calls here. Feels good doesn’t it? 

Readers: Have something to sound off about? Get in touch! Anonymity is welcomed here.

Subscribe Today.  

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Up next…full interview with Danielle Curzon the British royal who waved bye bye to the aristocracy and is a work mum just like the rest of us juggling it all only as the UK’s first female referree for the MMA (Mixed Martial Arts – I didn’t know what that stood for either!)

You asked, In Our Shoes delivered!  Dear readers, the new “Hot Spots” link is now available on tab above. These are the shortcuts to the most popular post footprints at In Our Shoes. Smuggled here are the tactical tools, solutions and wisdom found here and from my guest column in London’s Here is the City global financial news. Enjoy!

 

Most Popular Sole Spots

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Career You

• Killer Negotiation Strategies for Women.

• Sexy Soft Skills: Why Charm will get you everywhere.

• Hush-Hush: Going Silent at the Bargaining table.

• Let it Rip!: Four Steps to Succeeding at anything.

• One Shot to Nailing your 2 Minute Commercial in Today’s Job Market.

• Gems of Advice from America’s NAFE power women.

• Risky Business: Risk nothing, Gain nothing.

• Morsels of Career Wisdom from New York University.

• This is how they’ll do it: UK Work Mums Juggling it All.

• Brit Maternity Leave: Blessing or Curse?

• The article that ruffled some mens’ feathers – (I was not serious!).

Adventurous You

• Meetup Madness: Get online to Create Change (offline).

• Find your Female Village: Why ‘Collecting’ Women is a must.

• Linking in Girl Style.

• Free Fall into a Radical Pair of New Shoes.

• Trekking to Great Britain: How I ‘pick up’ inspiring women on the road.

• Princess for a Day: Hanging with the Royals in a Castle.

Beautiful You

• Hey Beautiful. Let’s Celebrate.

• Hot Pockets: Strut your Confidence in the Office.

• Get inspired. Create your ‘This much I know’ Creed.

• Celebrate your Sweet Successes (even the teensy ones).

Mommy You

• The SuperMom Myth – Forget it, you can’t do it all.

• Mirror Mirror: American Girl or My London Girl Doll?

• Need a Mommy Time out? Go ahead, Run!

• Lose your brain for a day.

• Living a Life without Regret.

• Find your out when Doing it ALL.

• Six Bizarre Things every New Mom should know.

• Your Road Less traveled: Carving a Life from Magic Mold.

• How do you keep all engines firing? Here’s my secret.

• Forget perfect, Start Peeling your Onion.

• Be your Biggest Fan First!

Featured Movers and Shakers

• Meet a Female Rainmaker.

• Meet a British Royal and Unconventional Work mum.

• Meet a British Transplant and NY Success Story.

• Meet a Fashion Designer.

• Meet a Trail Blazer and Cancer Survivor.

• Inside the home of an International Acclaimed Artist.

Recommends

• Half a Wife: If you’re only 1/2 there ALL of the time (UK).

• Eat. Pray. Love.

 

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Negotiating. You do it in your sleep.

We underestimate the deals we’re cutting around town. We bargain with car dealers,  when pushing for the next raise; we’re cutting deals  with our munchkins at every breakfast sit down before school. I myself was caught in the act over the holidays with a pretzel vendor in New York’s Rockefeller Center.  The same toasty pretzel I normally fork out 1 dollar for in an average NY minute, suddenly sky rocketed to $4 during Manhattan’s tourist trap season.

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But I’m not here to talk about overpriced pretzels in New York’s concrete jungle.  As your Shoe Hostess I’m here to talk about a strategy you can use the next time you sit down at the bargaining table with someone. This is no longer considered men’s territory, women strike winning deals too.

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The power of silence.

It’s not exactly something Americans swing easily. It takes alot to stifle us in general but going silent for several seconds during a a one-on-one negotiation can work wonders for your bargaining power. For one thing, it allows you to create space (an impromptu pregnant pause if you will) between you and the other person when the discussion is getting dicey.

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Granted, it absolutely feels awkward and doesn’t come naturally for women.

We’re programmed with an aim to please and are averse to making waves. Heaven forbid we’re perceived as being difficult in a given situation. Taking a step back and suddenly going hush during a free flowing healthy conversation takes some practice but can spark some pretty powerful wins.

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Going silent signals that you are in control and stand behind what you’re proposing. It’s a chess move that can prompt the other person to opening up with more information than they had initially planned on sharing. They could also change course by taking a different position or better yet get a closer view of what it’s like in your shoes. The good news? Any one of these motions puts you in a better position.

So don’t sweat it, silence is a good thing.

Going mum will always buy you more time especially if the terms have navigated down territory which risk your coming to a satisfying agreement in the end. More negotiation tactics in my column here for London’s Here is the City, but for now I shush and that’s all you’re going to hear from me.

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Am I a bad mommy? It’s crossed my mind before.

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The question rears its head again as I find myself  amongst the stay at home mommy’s who share their daughter’s coming out American Girl doll experience. It’s the pilgramage parents make across major cities in the US: a visit to the celebrity doll store.  I used to think it was an American thing, the race to scoop up the latest trendy goods for our children. Forget the steep price tag, only the best for princess.

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Sadly, I learned our mother ship is no better. 

The shopping bug has stung the UK as well I’m afraid.

Yes, the My London Girl doll shop swung open its doors late last year in our favorite English city.

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For those not in the know, these dolls are selected based on the physical likeness of the lucky little girl that calls it its own. We’re talking the same hair style and color, eyes, skin tone and yes even down to dress up and personal fashion statements dear readers.

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Still I hold the line. My six year old has yet to comb the matching auburn tresses of her American mini-me doll. 

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The chats I have with stay at home moms on those rare playdates I have time for, often veer into the haves and have nots of our children. There’s not much wiggle room for me (the now and again black sheep) to pipe up and say that I can smell the marketing ploys of these capitalizing toy makers.

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Parents take the forbidden bite that sells. The secret to building confidence in our little girls lies simply in their “mirror mirror on the wall“.  Sorry, but the fixation on the whole matching mini-me thing kind of wigs me out plus I don’t really get it. Don’t we want our kids to appreciate beauty in all of the skin and hair palettes which paint the world’s landscape?

American Girl’s  “follow your inner star” mantra seems a bit twisted given the beauty myth they’re selling,

not to mention conflicting for parents if teaching your child that beauty is only skin deep.

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On to more important matters. I have a bone to pick with  Thomas the Train whom little girls also love to play with. 

When oh when will a splendid pink engine be added to the steam team to prove her railway worthiness? 

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Sir Topham Hat: are you listening?

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“It’s imperative to put our talents to good use—and not to contribute to more meaningless shit out in the world.”

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This just chirped over twitter from the CEO of UK branding agency Wolff Olins. These guys are the same ones who drove the RED Campaign (very cool) and scored the contract to design this summer’s Olympics logo (ummm not so hot I’m afraid —–> (pan right)) .

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These words got me thinkin’. Mister CEO went on to say that as a firm they are all about branding first and foremost.  Yet at its purest form Wolff Olins’ identity is shaped by standing behind socially responsible projects that they “encourage” their clients to commit to if they sign on with them.

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In other words, they’ll  think twice before taking on a client if they don’t agree to stomp a footprint into the world which makes a “relevant social impact.”

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Whoa. Now that’s inspiring. You’re toying with the purse strings now W.O.;  We like how you roll. .

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This message resonates here at In Our Shoes and should be with anyone caught in the act of doing in this life.

Do what you love, we’re told at a young age. Follow your dreams, we tell our children.

I do it everyday when I run home to bring you the latest scoop from women’s events or scribing up interviews and tips to share. My writing is at my core. Still I don’t write for the sake of writing.  I write to inspire change in women, hard working women who are strung out on juggling all of the balls thrown at them day in and day out.

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So yes do what you love, but while making a small dent and becoming  ”a force for improvement” in this world.

Why thank you Wolff Olins for tweeting us that message at week’s end. I’m quite sure that if a parenting magazine landed your interview, you would have added that it all starts with moms and mums shaping the world in the first place.

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Back in the day when I was very green inching up in Corporate America, if someone gave me a compliment on my hair, dress or some deliverable I had churned out with my best sweated effort, most times I felt awkward and pretty antsy about taking the godforsaken compliment. I’m sure there are plenty of psychology books out there oozing with explanation on this reaction from women (versus men). The act of shoo-ing away praise that is.

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But as your Shoe Hostess, I’m not here to tell you why we women think and do these bizarre things.  I’m here to say. Nay, I’m here to shout that 

if someone gives me a compliment today I’ll straighten up, look them square on and say: “thank you“.

I may also follow it up with a brief nod of acceptance. Work it like the Queen would as she looks on into the crowd approvingly.

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With that said dear readers, I share some In Our Shoes news. I’ve received word today from the editors of BlogHer.  

I’m proud to shout out that I’ve been featured on their What’s hot section of BlogHer’s Career channel this week for my posts on Soft Skills bringing Sexy back and  One Shot at Resume/CV success. So if you’ve missed them last month, be sure to take a peek and thank you, BlogHer!

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It’s the 12th day of the year. Have you celebrated your sweet successes yet?   Do share at Marisa@InRShoes.com and I’ll shout it out and link back to you here on In Our Shoes!  It’s time.

It’s time for you to take a bow.

A bit of inspiration I picked up when visiting the British Library in London  from the man who brought us Sherlock Holmes:

“I am tending my little literary sprouts and making them into cabbages” – Arthur Conan Doyle in a letter to his mother regarding the progress he’s made as a writer.   

 

 

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I’m a big believer that the positive energy between people is intentional and something which we attract precisely when we need that extra umppphh in our lives. I immediately felt a connection towards Jeanne Peterson when we met in her London office last November. She emitted that hit-the-ground-running energy which any working woman recognizes only too well. You know the kind where we’re buzzing about our business with a killer smile that speaks: “Small talk over, let’s get to work!”  I had found a little bit of Manhattan in this woman and I was lovin’ it.  

 

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Jeanne Peterson has broken all barriers when it comes to realizing the personal and professional life she wanted. Read on for her powerful interview where she dishes on how

hitting the glass ceiling early on in her career ignited her to “throw away the paradigm“

and start living by her own rules. You’ll learn how she hopped a flight twice from her home in Denmark to London to interview for a position at global IT consulting firm Project Brokers that didn’t exist, reversed roles with her husband and morphed into the sole breadwinner for her family.  On a mission, Jeanne wanted to move from Europe and live in Toronto near her parents. One year later, she’s now opening up her new office in Canada.  Her career should be a case study highlighting that not just academics can get us to where we want to be, but also an

unyielding dogged faith in yourself when the voices in your head scream self-doubt.

My favorite quote from our interview: “Women can and do achieve much more than men. They are always more open to ideas”. Without further ado here’s the

inspiring interview with working mum of two, Jeanne Peterson.

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He said next time he’d bring his gear. I thought “Am I insane?“  Probably, but that never stopped me before. I’m talking plane jumping that is. Seems I’ve reached a new low or high depending on how you look at it..

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I work with an intriguing Oz man who blows into town every few months from our office in Melbourne. He barely talks about it really, but yet again with each work dinner I bring it up like a child who can’t wait to hear that one last bedtime story.

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So tell me all about it. What’s it like?  I ask yet again.

 

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When he’s not programming for us down under, my workmate from Australia is jumping out of planes professionally and I’ve just  signed myself up for my first jump in his care. (big gulp).

If I can skin and gut a rabbit with my bare hands for British royals,  this should be but a breeze.

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I meet with bff for dinner and drinks tonight; Manhattan is more fired up than ever. I tell her that I’m going to jump out of a plane.  I thought she’d shake me up and down, slap me silly or order me a stronger drink.  Instead she leans into the table, looks me square in the eye and says ”Can you take me with you?”

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We proceed to vent on how difficult it is at times, juggling it these days in the Big Apple as career women and parents in this economy. She the attorney, me the IT somebody and writer. Both of us just peaking in our careers. Out of college, it was smart and sexy to be wooed by Corporate America when we were single. We should have played dumb before settling down  – we laugh, reaching our usual “if only…” moment.

Working mothers don’t need more coffeee. What we need  is to jump out of planes.

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 Fabulous 2012 interview being delivered to you this week. You won’t want to miss it! 

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If you’ve been out of the job hunt for a while, you should know that the rules have changed in this competitive climate – on both sides of the Atlantic.  What follows doesn’t just apply to landing that next job. It’s also a wake up call that should scream: “this is the next move which will make me h-a-p-p-y“.

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Working in the financial services industry, I’ve given out lots of goodbye hugs in the last few years to close friends and colleagues. I learned what leading recruitment firms swear by, in order for you to stand out in this rocky job market. Here’s the inside scoop.

The questions you need to ask yourself are: Who am I? and What am I selling? 

You are your own brand. You need to manage yourself  like a company who sells a product because that’s exactly why a hiring manager is gracing you with their presence – to find out just how valuable a package you are. The only questions taped to their forehead are “Why should I hire you?” and “What makes you unique?”  

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Here comes the tough part. Write down all of the things that you do well – not just related to your specific job skills. Do you speak another language or play the guitar? Are you a good networker? Are you super organized? These talents are what you throw in as chit chat during the pregnant pauses of an interview which can turn it around if you feel it’s going south.

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I was told a priceless story from someone who knew he wasn’t hitting it off  with the person interviewing him. As he was getting ready to leave, he threw down his last card and mentioned he loved to cook. Turns out so did the hiring manager. They hit it off, the guy was hired and he shares that story with everyone to prove that it’s about your whole story and not just what’s on a piece of paper. Go back to my post on  Soft Sexy Skills for a read on how your magnetic personality can really turn the tables when landing a position. 

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You can also cheat by getting the skinny on anyone beforehand. Have a peek at their very public profile on Linked in. Here’s mine: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/marisa-santoro/6/a19/186  – all above board dear readers and arms you with what makes for great conversation.

 

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Create your banner ad

Think of this as your name blinking in bright lights. What makes you the star? Your banner ad is the first thing they should see at the top of your Resume / CV. Here’s what mine would look like:

Distinctive mix of Creative, Technical and Online Media Writing skills

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My career is rooted in technology but I’m also very creative and I’ve always been a writer. Much like branding a product to market, you emphasize why your story is different because in these times you can’t be perceived to be the same as everyone else. .

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Branding can mean a variety of things. It could be an online presence, a blog, you can be a subject matter expert in a certain area. Write down all of the things you did in your career and it will flow; just make sure it lands with a splash!

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Your 30 second elevator pitch

The  top one third of your resume is the most valuable piece of real estate – it’s your bio in a few sentences and it needs to back up your banner ad above. It should answer the question: “So, tell me your story?“  This brief summary of  Fabulous You, is your 30 second elevator pitch. It’s what you would throw out at cocktails when you’re getting warmed up in the name of good networking. 

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 Your 2 minute Commerical

Your 2 minute commercial is in the interview, your one shot to expand on all of this. Yep, you heard me. Two minutes is the golden rule; go on longer than that and they’ve hit the snooze button. Of most importance before your curtain closes and you’re about to exit the interview, you turn around and remind them (while humming the Rocky theme song)

why you can repeat your successes again, in your sleep. 

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Readers, I leave you with more Job Search Tips here.  

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 Questions? Open it up here as a conversation that everyone can benefit from in the just released In Our Shoes Forums.  No login required and you don’t need to leave your real name or email.  Just click Reply.

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There are three things that stop time for me in this life: passing a red door, music from the strings of a solo guitar and wandering pure ocean country. The first two I don’t have much control over, they appear randomly in unexpected moments. 

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The last one however was very much in reach.

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Find your fix as you welcome the New Year.

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Coming up in 2012, we meet more inspiring working moms and mums.

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Here’s the lineup. 

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Subscribe here. Comment below.

 

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If I’m too quiet at home, my son will check in and ask “Mummy, are you ok?”  (Peppa Pig is big in our house). I’ll answer with a short “Yep, I’m good.” followed by a big squeeze. I’ve become quite spoiled by my little man making sure I’m happy.

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This scene turns a bit sour however, if my mom is visiting. She’ll usually answer with:  ”No, she’s not ok. Your mom is definitely not normal!“. 

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Our tap dance then begins where she’ll lecture me on the life I lead. The one where I take on projects that have me travel to our Boston and Toronto offices. She’ll remind me of the weekend in Paris I took for a girlfriend getaway or how I drive too fast (maybe a half truth). I won’t mention London or my plans to hop the pond permanently one day.

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Generally, I  don’t really swallow judgement calls. But I will say this:

Our moms get credit for all they juggled as homemakers, but when it comes to our working mama lives, they haven’t a clue.

I’m a product of a Sicilian family raised in Brooklyn, New York. Mama spent her life devoted to one thing – the famiglia.  I get that raising my brothers was no easy feat – one a musician, the other a dabbler in all life had to offer. They were good bad boys. Yet today, I’ve somehow been branded the oddity. My family is  a supportive bunch but generally speaking, they don’t really get me. A typical welcome from my brothers will be: “So what are we blogging about today sis?” followed by snickers. (I believe they secretly await the call to corrupt me one day.)  .

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The deal is, if you’ve signed yourself up as a working mother, you either coast until you expire in this fragile economy or you step up and really make a go of it. I’ve spent almost two decades doing the work that I do. Travel and yes a satisfying social life come along for the ride. Everyone loves perks. If one tapped into the underground network of mommy guilt, you will find the break away from the home truly keeps us sane and hence makes for better mothers. It’s not just about the money.  One day my son will learn that in fact I’m very much the norm in this century and that (per big brother teasers) I’m quite a gem really.

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I leave you with a snippet from a book just scribed by UK writer Gaby Hinsliff. “..about the future of work and the massive changes in family life that are coming together now in one big bang.”

“Half a Wife: The Working Family’s Guide to Getting a Life Back”.

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“The impact of the so-called “second shift” done by women on top of work is a marital risk factor most couples go to the altar knowing little about. Young women prone to swooning that their boyfriend will be “a really great father” because he likes small children should learn to check instead how often he stacks the dishwasher, perhaps a better indicator of a man ready to share the routine daily work involved in family life.”

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Well said Gabs. Wish you’d released nine years ago, before I myself headed to the altar. You may very well lower the divorce rate around here. Wishing you much success with its release!

Next up: The “elevator pitch” and “your 2 minute commercial”. More to come….

Subscribe here, Comment below. 

There’s a well accepted learning theory referred to as the “Four Stages of Competency” as whispered in the orb of psychology.

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We all have a star we’re shooting for, a personal success mission that’s been lingering. Experts say, if you mosey on through each of these stages (below), you’re on your way towards this quest for success. That is, as long as you’re up for learning the skills to get you there. Roll with me on this one.

 Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence

This is the stage where you have no inkling of how to do something and here’s the rub, you’re not even aware that you’re incapable. You rebuff  any value in learning a new skill in order to achieve success. This my dear readers is the scary stage, because you’re in denial. Until you accept its value and (ahem) your own incompetence, you’re unable to move onto Stage 2. 

 

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence

Ahhh, now your eyes are wide open. You recognize that you don’t know how to do something but that it’s relevant to what you’re trying to achieve. You’ve turned a new leaf and are eager to keep falling off the bike until you learn the skill well.

 

Stage 3: Conscious Competence

You’re in the deep end of the pool. Not only do you know how to perform this skill, you’re now working on perfecting it. You’re in deep concentration but still taking baby steps to get there. Your game is on. 

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence

You have had so much practice that the skill is now ”second nature”; you can practically do it in your sleep. You’re even ready to start teaching others your wisdom!

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I’d say most of us give up somewhere around Stage 2 1/2. This talk is easier said than done. Life is never easy, but isn’t it fun to dig in once in a while and let it rip?

Find your passion, accept your failures and most of all -  enjoy it.

An Italian saying I love: “Nella vita – chi non risica – non rosica.” -  He who risks nothing, gains nothing.

One life, best to make  it a good one. 

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A toast to 2012. Salute!  [sah - loo - te].

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In a study conducted in the US and Europe interviewing senior managers across industries, it was asked what skills they value most in the people they hire. Turns out, it’s the soft skills that tip the scale unanimously.

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Time to get your sexy on. 

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You can be at the top of your game regardless of whether you’re a chef, research analyst or an accountant.  At the end of the day however, you’re valued on how professionally you cooked the roast, not on the rating of the heavenly five course meal you just whipped up.

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The Top Three hit list  of what skills are most desired by management: 

1. Leadership

2. Communication Skills

3. Personal Charisma / Persuasiveness

.Love it. I’ll also throw in my personal  #4 :

4. Quiet Confidence – never leave home without it.

 

 

Happy Holidays readers. New year. New possibility. New slate.  Cheers!

 

“Sometimes I get a good feeling. I get a feeling that I never never never never had before.” – Flo Rida

  

 While nothing can beat the surreal experience of slumbering in a British royal castle on camera, I must say being a part of   Meetup.com’s movie was just as fabulous. I loved the energy and creative vibe of this media village.

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  <<< ——- Entering Meetup’s global headquarters in NYC.

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It felt a little strange being on  the other  side of the table answering questions about my writer’s life. I’ve become quite used to doing the driving around here! Airs in January, excited about In Our Shoes getting some more “air time” in the media!

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 Tomorrow, stay tuned for my:

 ”Sexy Soft Skills” for career success (goes for gents as well)! 

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British working mums, that is. This just in from the UK’s Guardian news this morning:

Full story at: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/dec/11/free-childcare-millions-tax-mums - the very reason why In Our Shoes has turned its focus on:

Supporting working mums in the UK.

If free childcare comes to pass in Great Britain, this will be a game changer for women’s career advancement in the country. Interestingly, while the maternity benefits rock compared to what American moms get, doesn’t being out for a year leave a huge gap and risk to having potentially stale skillsets? I was out for a mere 3 months after pregnancy. It was difficult getting back into the swing and applying my technical acumen after being on baby brain for such a stretch. That, coupled with the isolation I felt being at home compared to the camraderie at work was a huge hurdle.

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More power to British women if free nursery takes effect. Speaking to the mums I met, the reason they opt out of going back to work is simple: child care costs and salary are a wash, so why bother?

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Just wrapped up two 6am interviews with extraordinary women in London and Denmark this week before hitting the road to the day job in New York’s concrete jungle.

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Did someone say sleep? I’ve forgotten what that is. I heart South American coffee!

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 More to come, Subscribe here.

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I’m not trying to be a film star. I”m the writer, I tell myself with each morning stretch. This week however, another film opportunity has surfaced and now I’m thinkin’ there’s something spooky going on. 

Do S....

Do Something.

Learn Something.

Share Something.

Change Something.

Meetup dot com learned of my  British royal film debut and asked if I would be in their upcoming Meetup Movie highlighting the amazing experiences and opps people have had through the use of their community site.  They go on to say I’m one of millions of members chosen for the production set to start filming in Manhattan’s Chelsea district next week. What’s there to think about?  I accepted on the spot and am thrilled to once more take part in such a rare opportunity.

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For those of you who haven’t caught the bug, global http://www.meetup.com/ is a powerful tool you can use to change your life.  It ranks right up there in  my “try something new” shoes. Whether you’d like to try  a new sport, learn a new language, create new relationships, it all boils down to one thing – networking and connections and this my dear readers are what the experts say keeps us smiling.

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Research has swirled around, proving people lead far happier and satisfied lives when they belong to a group.

I’ve joined kayaking meetups, italian speaking meetups, cooking meetups, funky-jazz-in-smokey-bar meetups  and any women connections meetup that rears its head in Manhattan. You meet different personalities that in any other circumstance you wouldn’t imagine you’d have anything in common with, until you the hit the Meetup scene. From a businesss point of view, there are tons of powerful network opportunity groups forming each day around the world. These guys got it right and it’s addictive. .

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Tomorrow I attend: “Coming out on Top of Change“, a leadership conference empowering women to manage and create change whilst working in the ever fluctuating financial services industry – all to be smuggled right back to you here.

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TGIF everyone.

 

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“I want something else, to get me through this life.” – Third Eye Blind 

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Manhattan skyscrapers evoke the “sky’s the limit” optimism, maybe that’s why we Americans come off as so upbeat? This week however, they weren’t oozing enough inspiration.

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Grabbed a girlfriend to join me in getting my Britannia fix in. My fave British haunt: Tea & Sympathy.  Owner Nicky Perry is a NY success story and working mum to a seven year old daughter. You know where I’m headed with this!

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Every woman who has contributed to this site via interview or story will respond to your query in the vein of inspiration or support. Reach out: Marisa@InRShoes.com.

In Our Shoes – the Working Women network. 

 I’m humbled to see the rising interest in In Our Shoes from UK subscribers. This week I’m excited to announce the launch of a site across the pond. 

InRShoes.co.uk  is now official and live.

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Stay tuned for my British working mum interview with someone who I must say has worn shoes I’ve never come close to trying on. Readers, I introduce you to woman warrior Danielle Curzon.

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Formally an international titleholder dressage rider, an international champion martial arts competitor, former bodyguard to Emma Watson and other celebrities, survivor of a miraculuous pregnancy with healthy baby girl (the one the medical experts said she’d never have) and is now a leading first female referee in the UK’s Mixed Martial Arts circuit at UCMMA Cage Rage..

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Oh and not to be swept under the rug, Danielle is also a daughter of British aristocracy, born to the noble Viscount Scarsdale. 

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More to come on her astounding story!

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In other news, check out the not so surprising recent headline from The Economist (it stings just the same):

Closing the gap: Women have made huge progress in the workplace, but still get lower pay and far fewer top jobs than men.

Lots coming up this month including more advice on the job hunt. Rocky financial forecast ahead in the States and overseas. The resume/CV as we know it has been revamped – I’ll have lots of tips to get you prepared, the interview game has changed. Feel free to email me any questions.

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Wonderful weekend everyone, be well.

 

 

 

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Thanksgiving. I could have slept in late, brewed my longed for espresso while catching the morning news; maybe pruned the rose bushes while my little ones hit the see-saw. That would have been practical and maybe even well deserved considering my chaotic work life at the moment.

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Alas, I’m the girl who needs to be on the move; for now that is. I’m still waiting for a reason to slow down.

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Having worked many hours for the day job and cramming in late hours for women interviews , I crashed by the time I hung my hat at home. Barely rested, stickey eyes, (slept-in contact lens, rare circumstance when that happens), I pulled a cold shower, packed the overnight bags and crafted an adventurous scene to my critters of the impromptu train journey we were about to make.

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They cheered me on with a loud: “Yayyyyy!” and just like that, the three of us were off.

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Munchkins (below)- soaking in the Hudson Valley on their way to see their Aunt. 

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Me – (behind the camera)  sipping my tea in quiet meditation on the choo choo train. These stolen moments are when I do my best deep thinking.

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There’s something to be said about being in transit, going to the next place, what or who may be waiting on the other side…

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My kids are not going to remember the home cooked meals I had no time to make.

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They’ll recall the journeys we took together and their spontaneous imperfect mom who showed them a life that was far from boring. 

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I’ll take it.

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