Play – the 3rd Footprint

 (18 minutes)

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Continuing our 5 part footprint series here at In Our Shoes, we deliver the third footprint that successful women leaders and independent professionals make when aiming for a career they love. If you are just joining us here at In Our Shoes – welcome! Before you leave, be sure to Subscribe to stay current on all the events, seminar programming and power interviews we land here! Don’t forget to check out this summer’s seminar programming delivering the Dream Shoe Seminar offered in New York and London which this five part series is a segueway to: empowering women to go for a career they are passionate about sans any barriers!

Footprint 1

• Audio Replay (17 minutes)
• Our Career Column in Here is the City News.

Footprint 2 -

• Audio Replay (21 minutes)
• Our Career Column in Here is the City News.

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Interviewing successful women entrepreneurs and consulting with women who have worked in corporate most of their career lives or who have stepped out of the workplace for a few years after having children and wish to re-enter, inspired this Dream Shoe seminar last year, addressing the below questions I am asked all of the time as they are considering the next stage of their careers. Share your story in the following pre-seminar registration Profile Sheet and then explore what the Dream Shoe Seminar is all about. We hope to meet you in person! In the meantime, enjoy these 5 footprints of what working women really want out of life: to follow a career they are passionate about!

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Psssst, have you subscribed to In Our Shoes? Media share buttons sit below for you to pass it on!

 

This week In Our Shoes stood proud to be invited to sponsor an event hosted by Qliktech for UK based charity: Hope HIV in New York City. By the end of the day, the donation tally was at $22,000 and growing! Hope HIV is an organization supporting orphans of HIV parents in Africa that has broken ground when it comes to injecting inspiration into the donation pipeline they have created. Theirs is a reverse model of charity giving: they give away money to raise money for their cause. They will hand over ”x” amount of pounds to people they trust and ask them to take that money and make something of it to support the charity. People are so empowered, they in turn set out to exponentially increase that amount by raising funds and give it back plus more! In Our Shoes now has a permanent link to this charity (pan left). What follows is a brief speech I gave introducing In Our Shoes. If you have just joined our female village – welcome! We hope this video inspires you to return back for more!

 

Have you subscribed to In Our Shoes?

Continuing our 5 part series here at In Our Shoes, we deliver the second footprint that successful women independent professionals make when aiming for a career they love.  If you are just joining us here at In Our Shoes - welcome! Before you leave, be sure to Subscribe to stay current on all the events, seminar programming  and power interviews we land here!  Don’t forget to check out this summer’s  seminar programming delivering the Dream Shoe Seminar offered in New York and London which this five part series is a segueway to: empowering women to go for a career they are passionate about sans any barriers!

Footprint 1

• In Our Shoes’ Audio Replay (17 minutes)
• Our Career Column in Here is the City News.

Footprint 2 -

 

• Our Career Column in Here is the City News.

Play- 21 minutes

 

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Interviewing successful women entrepreneurs and consulting with women who have worked in corporate most of their career lives or who have stepped out of the workplace for a few years after having children and wish to re-enter, inspired this Dream Shoe seminar last year, addressing the below questions I am asked all of the time as they are considering the next stage of their careers. Share your story in the following pre-seminar registration Profile Sheet and then explore what the Dream Shoe Seminar is all about. We hope to meet you in person! In the meantime, enjoy these 5 footprints of what working women really want out of life: to follow a career they are passionate about!

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Psssst, have you subscribed to In Our Shoes? Media share buttons sit below for you to pass it on!

 

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Please welcome our next guest here to our empowering female village: Malvina Guretsky (aka “MAG”),

 

A former Wall Street A-lister who walked away from a lucrative executive career at investment giant Deutsche Bank to become a mumpreneur.

She was one of only eight women selected from her division to gain entry into a leadership program that would fast track her to the C-suite as a Managing Director. Entering an intense coaching program, she was prepped with all of the tools and resources she would need to run the company, leaving colleagues in bewilderment when she resigned.

 

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Why would she take the off-ramp at the very height of her career?

 

The short answer Malvina Guretsky reveals:

 

“The higher I climbed in my career, the further I lost my identity.”

 

Co-breadwinner with her husband providing for their three children, Malvina Guretsky confesses she had no answer to the obvious question from concerned family and friends: “So what’s next?”

 

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Malvina’s next move was completely unexpected, leading her to the fashion retail industry. This Mother’s Day, she will be opening completely new doors – those of her new boutique MAG Tricotes, launching a unique hand-knitted clothing line designed for women and little girls. She has also caught the attention of Martha Stewart and appeared live making her unique fashion statement on the  The Female Entrepreneur show taped April 4, 2011!

 

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Do superstar women at the top of their game abandon their career to spend more time with their families?

They would, when they no longer recognize their reflection staring at them in the mirror, Guretsky’s story reveals. This In Our Shoes interview captures dream shoes in the making; we’re honored to have Malvina Guretsky here with us to share her success stories!

 

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IN OUR SHOES: Malvina, welcome to In Our Shoes! I will start by saying that your story reads like a bestseller off the fiction shelf! First, tell us a bit about your background.

 

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MAG: Thanks so much. I was born in the Ukraine and came to the US shortly after my seventeenth birthday with only a few hundred dollars in my pocket. I picked up English in nine months and received a full academic college scholarship to NYU in their computer science and math program. I later entered the financial services industry, building proprietary order routing systems across US trading floors for brokerage firms.

 

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IN OUR SHOES: Your last career move was accepting a Director level position at Deutsche Bank Global Equities Division. Did you ever have any doubts about whether you would succeed in that new role?

 

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MAG: I never had doubts. I knew that the role would come with many unknowns and would be a challenge given its global presence. I had just left a position at a brokerage firm where there was no real challenge left for me. I had moved up and sideways and still there was no change. I was ready for something new and exciting.

 

 

 

IN OUR SHOES: Although a veteran in the financial services industry, this was a very senior role with far more reach than you had in your career thus far. How did you approach stepping into these shoes?

 

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MAG: From my observation, a woman would take a more structured approach to the decision-making process; she would get actively involved in every intricate detail of every task being handled by her team. I was no exception to that rule – I first spent a lot of time with my internal teams as well as with my clients, understanding and often experiencing firsthand their challenges and frustrations. I then analyzed the data collected, and only then I proceeded to make executive decisions. Granted sometimes this approach takes considerably more time than simply directing, yet I believe in the end it yields better results.

 

A good friend of mine once told me that the best leaders are those who know the strengths and daily tasks of their employees, two levels down. He believed that if every corporation were run like that, the results would be astounding. I have tested this theory and I am now a firm believer that it works.

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IN OUR SHOES: Talk to us about failure. Were you scared to fail?

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MAG: A close friend coached me early on and gave me a great advice. He said that it’s okay to be nervous, but not to be scared. I never forgot that.

A failure is commonly defined as lack of success. I simply define it as a valuable lesson learned. We can all learn from our mistakes and change direction, which is not the same as failure.

IN OUR SHOES: Step us into the shoes of a Director of Global Equities at a leading investment bank. What is it like?

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MAG: Honestly, I’ll admit it was glamorous at first. I was traveling on business one to three weeks a month jetting between North America, Europe and Asia. The money was great and I was being challenged once again. Things however began to change for me when I was selected for a leadership program, which would promote me to a Managing Director.

The game had changed to something I had not been exposed to before. I was being prepped to be a master at navigating the corporate landscape to survive, watching my back at every turn, and essentially being groomed to win by a man’s playbook.

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IN OUR SHOES: What was the primary reason that led you to resign? That’s a lot of traveling for a mom with three kids at home. If the travel had been eliminated, would you have stayed?

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MAG: I would love to sit here and give you the socially acceptable answer admitting to missing my kids. The travel was absolutely grueling after a while and I did miss them, but it wasn’t the driver behind my decision to leave. The corporate game I learned to play and liked too much was changing me into someone I no longer recognized. I questioned who I was every day, and worse, I soon found myself playing this game at home. I could no longer distinguish between my identity at work and at home.

The money was excellent and my role was esteemed, but it pulled me away from the person I was.

IN OUR SHOES: What was the reaction of senior management at Deutsche Bank when you submitted your resignation?

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MAG: They were hands down shocked and in disbelief. They heavily hinted on more than one occasion at throwing more money at me to change my mind. I wasn’t surprised. Managers often use this easy approach, assuming that would be a quick solution to any problem.

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IN OUR SHOES: What did you do once you found yourself in the shoes of a stay-at-home mom?

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MAG: I absolutely loved being a stay-at-home mom and being with my kids! I embraced it all. I turned the house upside down and took on home makeover projects! I registered my kids in extra curricular activities, started driving them around, getting to know them, their teachers, my neighbors – all the things I hadn’t had the time to do before. I grew a large organic garden and began harvesting vegetables. I spent time with friends and family and just kept myself busy.

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IN OUR SHOES: It must have been a sharp change for you to suddenly be on a soccer mom schedule. You created a clothing line after only four months of being at home as a full time mom!

 

MAG: My intention after leaving Wall Street was to give myself enough time to focus on the next step. It just turned out that the next step for me was something that I had been passionate about my entire life – that is fashion and couture knitwear. The second I picked up an old pair of knitting needles, I knew that was it. I also had a clear vision for my store – a vision of a small boutique that felt like home, where each garment was lovingly made by hand, where every piece reflected the skill of the designer and the artisan, where the fabric would be so soft, one just couldn’t help but want to touch it, where the cut was so classy and design so timeless, one never had to worry about trends, where the client actually had a say in the final product. I started networking, designing, selecting fibers and colors, hiring professionals in order to grow my new business venture: a hand-knitted couture clothing line for women and babies. Four months later, I had filed to incorporate MAG Tricotes.

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IN OUR SHOES: Talk to us about the loss of your income. That must have been a substantial cut for a family of five given an established quality of life.

 

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MAG: It was a financial setback we were ready for.

 

My husband and I were prepared to downsize and sell our house, if necessary.

 

Lack of money doesn’t scare me. We have always lived within our means, no matter what those means were. We never carried any debt. After I had resigned, we made some adjustments to our lifestyle. I no longer needed to turnover my wardrobe every month. We no longer had a need for a live-in nanny. Seeing how my kids loved having me at home really shifted my priorities.

 

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Anyone can afford to quit the job to pursue one’s dream. We’re allowed to wake up one day and choose to be happy at work. What’s more important? My cousin graduated from Columbia University in the top 3% of her class. She had every lucrative job offer you can imagine. Instead she chose to become a park ranger in New York City. A great day for her is when she rescues a baby eagle that falls from its nest! Now that’s inspiring!

 

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IN OUR SHOES: Did your friends and family support your decision to resign?

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MAG: My mother was devastated. I’m her only child; she was extremely proud of me and was always bragging to everyone about my career success. She didn’t take the news well and was worried about how we were going to adjust with only one source of income for the foreseeable future.

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IN OUR SHOES: Malvina, you’ve achieved success working in Corporate America. Now you are venturing out on your own starting your own clothing line. Tell us some things that you want people to know about your approach to success.

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MAG:

 

I do not take no for an answer. When people tell me that I cannot do something, I just smile. I embrace every new challenge with open arms..

 

IN OUR SHOES: Tell us three things that your closest friends would be shocked to know about you.

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MAG: I am very open with those who are close to me, thus I’m afraid I can only come up with a couple of facts, if any. My friends would probably not believe this, but I am a 100% true blooded introvert. That’s not to say I’m anti-social. I just don’t enjoy small talk and empty chatter. When I have to go to a social event, I thank G-d when it’s over and I can go home and put my feet up. Introverts tend to engage in one long meaningful conversation – and that is what I enjoy most of all. The second little secret is that I was a pretty good rifle shooter for ten years in the Ukraine, earning second prize at a National competition. I’m also a control freak and a perfectionist – but I don’t think it’s a big secret.

 

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IN OUR SHOES: Tell us about the challenges you faced as you started MAG Tricotes?

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MAG: I can count on one hand the things I knew about starting my own business. I knew how to knit. I knew how to find the right people. I knew how to select fine fibers. I knew how to get people together for a common goal. That was it.

You don’t know what you don’t know. I didn’t know how to price my garments. I didn’t know how to track inventory. I didn’t know how to scan the tags or what search engine optimization was all about. The list goes on and on. Guess what? Today I know how to do all of those things. I am sure tomorrow yet another unknown will come up, and I am sure that I will overcome that challenge, too.

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IN OUR SHOES: Malvina, you appear to be a restless soul. Is that a true statement?

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MAG: Yes, I am absolutely restless. I am restless in my determination. As a perfectionist, I am constantly second-guessing: “Did I do it right? Could I have done it better?” I am never content with what I’ve achieved, I always want to do better.

 

Us women tend to be our own toughest judges. We often carry self-doubt on our shoulders, and second-guess our actions. Our goal is to always jump better. Men, on the other hand, always want to jump higher.

IN OUR SHOES: What led you to start a business striding such foreign territory without prior skills or experience working in the fashion retail industry?

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MAG: The career I had was admittedly glamorous given the money and travel. There was nothing more satisfying than my work.

 

The price I paid for that first class seat however was with my precious family time. It was simply time to shift my priorities and start something new.

 

The most important qualities I possess are: my passion, my impeccable customer service skills, my ability to find the right people for the right job, and a healthy belief in myself. The rest can be learned.

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IN OUR SHOES: Where do you see the future of MAG Tricotes? Tell us about your dream shoes.

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MAG: I see myself extending into home and ladies accessories such as crocheted purses and hats, hand knit cashmere covers for pillows and sofas. I’m also envisioning four more stores located in Greenwich, Manhattan, Beverly Hills and Aspen.

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IN OUR SHOES: Switching gears, as you know In Our Shoes also takes a stand for supporting career women in the UK. What is your perception of career women in London given your frequent travel there for Deutsche Bank?

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MAG: Working for many months in Europe, I discovered that a British woman’s lifestyle appeared to be more traditional than that of an American career woman. I saw how natural, and almost expected, it was for a career woman in London to call it quits and stay home after having a baby.

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IN OUR SHOES: What advice would you share with women who want to go after their dream shoes but are battling the economy’s pressures or are single moms?

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MAG: There will always be various pressures and challenges in life. There are some people who will wake up and say: “Today it’s not sunny, so I won’t do this” or “911 just happened, I can’t do it now.” We can only worry about things that are in our control, the rest are either obstacles to overcome, or simple excuses.

 

Living your life means just that: living your life. We only have one. Know what you want and go for it.

 

It’s better to look back and say “I tried and had a good run” rather than “I should have tried it and now I will never know.”

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IN OUR SHOES: Why did you choose In Our Shoes as the platform to host your first interview?

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MAG: I like working with people whom I can trust and I know I could trust you and your work here. I love inspiring other women AND being inspired by them.

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IN OUR SHOES: You are about to open your boutique in Scarsdale, NY on Mother’s day. Do you have any doubts about its success?

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MAG: My experience, my passion, and my intuition will lead it to success. I am nervous, but not worried. I just know:

 

If you want to succeed at something you have to wave away any fear of failure.

What inspiring advice. What we love about Malvina’s story is how she outgrew the corporate career shoes that no longer fit with her family life to pursue a lifelong passion with an optimistic spirit.

It also answers the pressing question swirling around every women’s lifestyle media channel: Why do women abandon the C-suite?

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Malvina’s label, MAG Tricotes (tricoter: “to knit”, in French) is a creative play on her initials (Alexandrovna is her middle name). This spring season Malvina Guretsky opens the doors to her luxury boutique in Scarsdale, NY. In her boutique she created an intimate environment, which allows Malvina to provide an unsurpassed personalized shopping experience to each and every client. MAG’ high-end, unique hand knitted and crocheted clothing line for sophisticated women and little girls delivers high end fashion with MAGnificent flair.

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You can visit MAG Tricotes boutique at 120 Christie Place Scarsdale, NY 10583 and online to preview the MAG luxury line of unique designer pieces at http://www.MAGTricotes.com.

: http://www.facebook.com/MAGTricotes.

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Have a empowering interview you want In Our Shoes to host?

Ready to sprint into your Dream Shoes?

In Our Shoes is committed to empowering women to slip into their dream shoes leading them to a profession they are passionate about. Have a business idea you’ve been tossing around but don’t feel you’re good enough? Ready to take the leap towards starting a new career or kick up your business a notch to reach the next stage?

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Discover your secret sauce for stepping towards success! Attend the Dream Shoe Coaching Seminar!

You’ll walk away with a fresh vault of ideas to jump start your journey to the next level surrounded by like-minded inspirational women for support!

 

Our Final Installment in the “Sabotage” Series is about Embracing the Intrinsic Feminine Energy within you!

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Reminder, readers we are hosting a free call Wed. March 28 @5:30 EST to answer all of the questions you have about navigating the business world as a woman or enlightened man! This is completely free and meant to inspire and support you in any way In Our Shoes can. As you know, the mission here is to launch you to success wherever that may be.  Even entrepreneurs can benefit from this wisdom. We hope to meet you there! For those in Europe – we’d love to host a call that works for you as well. Please email me: Marisa@InRShoes.com and let me know what times work best! Everyone – invite your colleagues, friends, partners – this will be an empowering session you won’t want to miss!

 

Sabotage Teleconference will be held Wed. March 28  @ 5:30 EST!

 

Laura L. Brown: So many women grew up with role models of women putting on a “mask” when they went to work – and they expended a ton of energy trying to act like a man at the office.  We know now that is not only ineffective, but it is counter productive on so many levels.

 

• It is exhausting to keep up a façade, and we aren’t truly even good at it.
• It disconnects us from our internal voice and source of wisdom.
• It gives others the impression that we are not authentic.
• It undermines our confidence, and weakens us.

 

The fine line we are expected to walk requires us to act like a woman, but not too much like a woman, right?

Be smart, productive, effective, but not emotional.  Be a decisive leader, but don’t “mother” your team.  Be a woman, but not completely.

 

The key is to be grounded in your intrinsic energy as a woman while understanding how to function in the world of men in business.  This combination will give you the confidence to remain centered and strong, to know your value.

 

Returning to Source

 – engaging your natural feminine energy will support you on your path to success.

 

The natural, innate skills and strengths of being a woman are interconnected with each other, and using them successfully relies on you integrating them – confidence, clarity, kindness, positive languaging, stepping into your power, being calmly responsive, not taking things personally, communicating effectively – if you apply this knowledge to your interactions, you will experience drastically different results at work.

 

It’s time women own the fact that companies with more women in higher level positions perform better.  We belong at the top!

 

Past research on the attributes society associates with ‘being feminine’ show that the most important qualities for women are being thin, nice and modest.

That means if women want to play it totally safe, we have to be willing to stay as small, quiet, and attractive as possible.

We all know that is not only unrealistic, but it is also extremely unacceptable.

 

And besides, playing it safe is not being authentic!

 

Being true to ourselves and bringing our best selves into the business world demands that we are authentic in every sense of the world, and we should expect nothing less of ourselves and each other.

 

It’s time to ask yourself, how in touch are you with your inner self, with all the invaluable skills and abilities that you possess as a woman?

And how are you tapping into these skills to support your personal and career growth?

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To learn more about how Laura can support you or your organization in career development and advancement, go to www.LotusLifeWork.com and sign up to receive her newsletter and information about the March launch of her self study product: Positively Promotable – Understanding Men at Work. You can also download her free smartphone app for Android and iPhone – search for “LotusLifeWork” to receive daily doses of information, inspiration and introspection!

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If you haven’t heard of TED, this is the place you’ll want to go to launch your dream shoes. TED is an ambitious crowd sourcing experiment where you have the opportunity to launch your ideas out to a worldwide audience. The ideas you can throw out cover the range of creativity, invention, business, science and the most pressing global issues once the stage opens up in your city (they have just left London).

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A picture is worth a thousand words and In Our Shoes is going for gold. Here is my handwritten picture (below) of what I believe is essential for women to advance themselves in organizations while juggling it ALL.

The TED Audition

Our pitch to change how the world does business:

establishing mini coaching circles of 6 women with one (male or female) champion at all levels in public and private sector organizations. The circles are meant to build a network pipeline for sponsorhip, empower women and ultimately create a springboard for them to advance themselves professionally. I believe establishing these coaching circles for women rank right up there with those mandatory performance reviews and should be at the core of every organization’s professional development curriculum.

 

Please share your thoughts expanding on this idea for TED and I will add it to the audition plugging you away. Have a jaw dropping idea for TED?  Give it a shot – there’s nothing to lose dear readers. As you know, your Shoe Hostess does not believe in failure. We can only change direction. Wish me luck and I look forward to hearing your comments on this topic actioning change for professional women!

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“You better know that in the end, it’s better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say” - John Mayer, “Say”.

Follow me on Twitter! @InRShoes

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In our third installment of The Top 5 Ways Women Sabotage Themselves in Business, Laura L. Brown is addressing the topic of Negative Languaging. 

 

One of the first questions we received touches on one of the most common issues for women.

 

Is it appropriate to say “I’m sorry” in business?  Do women overapologize?

 

Apologizing is something women do without even realizing the words are coming out. I invite you to keep track for one day of the number of times you say, “I’m sorry.“  I guarantee you will be surprised.  And most likely as you say it, you aren’t really apologizing for anything.  It’s just a natural reflex.

 

I’m sorry, can you pass the water?

 

I’m sorry, did you need to talk to me?

 

I’m sorry, may I squeeze by you?

 

Women say “I’m sorry” so often as a lead in to a question, when it would be more appropriate to say “excuse me” or “pardon me” or just ask the question with no lead in at all.  Women even say “I’m sorry” when people bump into US!  It’s become a reflex.

 

As far as whether it’s appropriate to apologize in business – just like in any situation in life, if you are in the wrong and are sincerely wishing to make amends, then of course, apologize to the offended party.  But do not use the words “I’m sorry” without thinking.

 

Men do not throw around those words for a reason.  It makes you look weak and if you are apologizing all of the time, then you appear to make a lot of mistakes, neither of which are going to reflect well on you.

 

Another great question came up about EXPLAINING.

 

Is it fair to expect male managers to understand when you’d like to be at your kid’s school one day for a special event and so will need to work from home? 

Do you ask permission or do you take it given the reputation and work ethic you’ve grown?

 

Obviously, there are many factors at play here, not the least of which is your position in the company, your relationship with your boss, and the expectations of individuals in your particular company.  If working from home on occasion is an accepted practice in your office, then all you need to do is inform your boss that you will be working from home on X day, assuming you actually will be at home working and only at your child’s school for a few hours.

 

Never lie to your boss, but do not go into any big explanation of what you are doing with your personal time either.   If your boss questions your desire to work from home, then tell him you have an appointment near your house and working from home will allow you to make the most of your day without having to commute.

 

Women have a tendency to over share at work because they feel that if their boss or colleagues know why they were late, or why they need time off, they will be more understanding. 

The truth is that no one really cares to hear your explanations. 

They care whether you are doing your share of the workload, and can be relied upon to follow thru with your commitments and responsibilities.  In many cases, providing an explanation only hurts your reputation.

 

These examples are only the tip of the iceberg in the discussion of how women undermine their own success using negative languaging.   If you want to learn more, stay tuned for an exciting announcement coming next week that will give you the opportunity to ask me your questions live!

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To learn more about how Laura can support you or your organization in career development and advancement, go to www.LotusLifeWork.com and sign up to receive her newsletter and information about the March launch of her self study product: Positively Promotable – Understanding Men at Work. You can also download her free smartphone app for Android and iPhone – search for “LotusLifeWork” to receive daily doses of information, inspiration and introspection!

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If you’re a parent and admit to having no prior knowledge of what “attachment parenting” is, don’t feel bad. I’ve never even heard the term, but then again as your Shoe Hostess  swapping in and out of shoes each day, it’s not easy keeping up with the parent advice being dished around town.

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At first it sounded creepy. Rule numero uno I was told, is that children do not sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed.

Yet after meeting actor and author Mayim Bialik this week at one of her private book tours for “Beyond the Sling”  in New York City, I hereby retract my knee-jerk judgement call.  Rest assured readers, Mayim’s book on

attachment parenting  is not about chaining your children to your hip and becoming their forever slaves.

It’s about the principles around growing confident children and giving them the ability to build trusting relationships given the bonding time we as parents invest in. 

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A fun roll up your sleeves and set the record straight personality, Mayim made it clear that she in no way claimed to be the expert but rather a huge advocate for the principles behind attachment parenting. Blending her Ph.D. in neuroscience with her spirituality and grassroots mother’s instinct, she discusses how it has made all the difference in raising her two young children.

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What is attachment parenting? It’s tenets include nighttime co-sleeping, baby-slinging, nursing beyond year one and a natural birth sans any medical intervention. Getting ready to potty train my almost three year old,

I’m all over the chapter on “Elimination Communication,” a training method that has risen this curious mommy’s antennas.

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I asked Mayim  how she addresses this parenting style for working mothers like us who work that second-shift juggling it all at work and at home?

I said we don’t have the luxury of time to grow into these “attachment” shoes especially given Americans’  12 week maternity leave window of brief bonding opportunity. She acknowledged that there is no black and white answer, but pointed out that this type of parenting is also not for “white rich people” either. There are ways which working parents can still find time for bonding when they return home with their children. One recommend she had (which I actually wished I tried) was for working moms to get into the bathtubs with their babies and to set boundaries on co-sleeping such as maybe on weekends only. 

This is not an all or nothing approach, it’s based on your family, your normal, your  definition on how you as a working parent can best create that nurturing environment for your child.

Another area she addressed was how caregivers can folllow suit and continue with their unique style of attachment caregiving.

 

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She also answered the tough question which all mom’s struggle with, on discipline.

What do you do when your kid goes ape shit?

Attachment parenting entails a gentle discipline approach, she shares. There is no hitting involved but an approach which relies on preemptive parenting. It’s not about what you do when your kid goes ape shit in the moment, it’s about recognizing the problem the 1st, 2nd 3rd, 4th, 5th time you witness something that is bugging them. Separating, talking, addressing it up-front are all ways she suggests that parents can make it easier and handle better the next time around. I must admit readers, I’m not feeling this one hundred percent but she did get me thinking. We don’t always have to act when we react. There are opportunities for us as parents to take a breath, walk away, or in my case fall into “watch mommy run” mode, before we discipline. 

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On another note, I love that Mayim weaved in how easy it is for people to use the Internet as a platform to make big statements and then hide under the table anonymously leaving their bold words to hang loose and dry. ‘Tis true, everyone’s a budding journalist and op-ed voice for their topics nowadays. 

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Doing it with authenticity and integrity however is where we can make this new online media, all the difference. 

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On a side note, if you’re a thirty something American like me, you may recognize Mayim from her starring role in Blossom!  

.Have you subscribed to In Our Shoes?
 

Perceptions

 

This week we are going to take a look at Perceptions in the Business World.  One of the questions we received was,

“Is there a difference in people’s perception when similar behavior traits are shown in a man as opposed to a women?”

 

The answer is YES! And this is such a key topic – it’s at the heart of most issues women face at work. 

 

If you understand that the way men and women are neurologically wired is inherently different, then it’s easy to see how we would perceive our world and the people in it, through quite disparate gender filters.

 

It’s not about men being judgmental or unfair.  It’s how their brain translates our words and actions based on how they would behave in the same situation.  In most cases, they don’t understand our motives or intentions, just as we do not understand theirs, without some explanation.

 

“How do women convince male colleagues that just because women work different hours, doesn’t mean they work less?”

 

Remember, your actions are being processed through their filters.  If they don’t work when they are not in the office, they assume others don’t either.  The key is to not be vocal about being out of the office – don’t feel the need to explain – but raise the volume on discussions of your productivity and accomplishments.  Obviously, you need to manage the language of how to do this effectively, but women need to stop feeling the need to justify and detail their absences.  (We’ll get further into this discussion next week when we cover Languaging Issues.)

 

Another comment we received related to moms constantly checking their cell phone, talking to kids or caretakers at home, and how this was perceived negatively by coworkers. 

 

Again, it’s about context.  If you really do need to check in, do it in private – your office, the bathroom, outside work on your lunch or break.  And take a look at how often you are checking in, and whether there really is an issue at home, or you are feeling insecure, left out or guilty for being at work?  If it’s the latter, that energy is being projected to your colleagues and you will be perceived negatively not only because of your action, but what the action says about your state of mind and confidence level.

 

The final topic I am going to cover today is one that comes up in every coaching session I have -

being “nice” versus being “kind”  – at work.  You may think these are the same, but I assure you they are not. 

 

Being “nice” comes from a desire to be liked by everyone – you are motivated by influences outside of yourself.  

 

Being nice is about not disagreeing with people and taking on more work than you have time for because you’re afraid people won’t like you if you say no.  It’s a transaction where your sense of self worth is coming from outside of you.  Being nice has no boundaries and puts you at the mercy of other people.  It becomes a vicious cycle of you needing approval, or fearing reprisal, driving you to continue your “nice” behavior.  This sets you up to be perceived as someone who is not a leader, someone people can dump work on and someone who doesn’t think for themselves.

 

Being “kind” is a state of being and comes from within you – treating everyone else as a spiritual entity doing their best in life, just like you.  

 

You can disagree with people, or say no to their requests, and still be kind in the process.  There is never a reason to be unkind, even when others are not treating you well.  You can remain composed, knowing their behavior is their responsibility, and disengage from an unprofessional interaction with your self confidence in tact.  You have boundaries around your time and energy, and will help others when needed, if you can.   Kind people are perceived as thoughtful, grounded, professional.

 

The key is to be aware of the difference and know your location on the scale between “nice” and “kind” right now – then work to ensure you eliminate the “nice” and accentuate the “kindness.”

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To learn more about how Laura can support you or your organization in career development and advancement, go to www.LotusLifeWork.com and sign up to receive her newsletter and information about the March launch of her self study product: Positively Promotable – Understanding Men at Work. You can also download her free smartphone app for Android and iPhone – search for “LotusLifeWork” to receive daily doses of information, inspiration and introspection!

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Share and comment below.

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Read of  my inspiring event attending actress and author Mayim Bialik’s private book tour for “Beyond the Sling”. Coming up!  Subscribe here.

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So far we have addressed Assumptions, Perceptions and Languaging – this week we take on POWER! If you’re just joining the Sabotage Seminar Series, here are the prior posts: Part1, Part 2, Part 3.

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Sabotage Teleconference will be held on Wed. March 28 @ 5:30 EST.

 

I am going to address a difficult reader question, one that many of you have had or will have in your career:

 

How do you go about reaching the person in “the corner office” without stepping on your immediate boss’ toes?  

 

This reader also stated that she does have a good relationship with her boss, but felt that her boss was keeping her ‘at bay’ and was comfortable with where things were at.  I’m assuming by ‘things’, she means the current pecking order and that her boss is a man.

 

There could be perception issues here and she may be misreading her boss, in which case a quick conversation will determine if that is what’s happening.  But let’s assume that she’s reading the situation correctly, and her boss is keeping her from the exposure to the executives that she most likely needs to move up in the company.

 

Why would a boss do this?

 

• Because they are insecure in their own position.
• Because they have been taking credit for your work.
• Because they feel you are competition in their desire to move up the ladder.
• Or maybe they are just comfortable with the way things are and don’t like change.

 

No matter how you slice it – this is about power. 

At the moment, the boss holds all the power by being a gatekeeper between you and the senior executive, and he is clearly very reluctant to give up that power.  The key here is to get the boss to see how giving you visibility and access to senior people will reflect well on him, possibly even increase his power.   You need to reassure the boss that you are a team player, that you respect the hierarchy of the organization, but that you would like to create a career development plan that gives you more visibility and allows you both to succeed. 

 

You need to be grounded in your own strengths and your value to the company, so that your requests for more visibility do not appear to be attempts to usurp your boss’ power.  Insecurity and fear always come across as threatening power moves, especially to someone already concerned about keeping their own power.

 

Women tend to have an uncomfortable relationship with power because it goes against our nature of wanting to be inclusive and harmonious.

  (Of course, by accident I typed hormonious – which I’m starting to think should also be a word, but I digress.)  Power issues are connected to perception issues because if we perceive power as negative – controlling, aggressive, bossy – then we will shy away from it, not wanting to appear to be any of those traits.  But if you replace the word ‘power’ with the word ‘influence’, it changes our perception and emotional reaction significantly. 

 

Who wouldn’t want to be influential in their workplace?  And how do you rise to the top of the ladder unless you excel at influencing others? 

 

Right now, you need to influence your boss’ behavior in a subtle way.  The good news is that women excel at this!  Good Luck and keep us posted on the results!

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To learn more about how Laura can support you or your organization in career development and advancement, go to www.LotusLifeWork.com and sign up to receive her newsletter and information about the March launch of her self study product: Positively Promotable – Understanding Men at Work. You can also download her free smartphone app for Android and iPhone – search for “LotusLifeWork” to receive daily doses of information, inspiration and introspection!

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If you like this video, please share!

Have you subscribed to In Our Shoes and spread the word?

This just in from IOS reader Natasha Lowery,  an American Texan transplant, stay-at-home mom of four enjoying life in London (her husband’s company relocated to the UK). Given all of the recent headlines comparing the French to American parenting, Natasha reached out to In Our Shoes to shed some light on what’s not being talked about in the media - the culture clash on:

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how it feels to be an American parent on British soil.

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Natasha Lowery – True Blooded Texan who speaks her mind:

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‘The British tell us that we have well-behaved children (which has never happened in America!). I can see why, British children are left to rule the roost in church and other places. My husband and I set out parenting much like the French. We didn’t think it was good for our emotional well being to be exhausted because kids were loading into bed with us, making it impossible for us to sleep. The  kids were encouraged (still are) to use proper silverware, set a table, engage in conversation, etc. 

Since moving here however, we’ve actually lowered our standards, in part because of the culture around us.

Really? Because he threw a knife or punched his sister, that doesn’t require discipline?

my husband and I have become better parents with the Brits’ influence.

Shoe Hostess:

On my last trip to London I was in the company of a couple (the dad was a middle school science teacher) with their two young children. Looking back, I did find them endearing and soft spoken, not a bad example to follow. Thanks Natasha for bravely sharing your story with the universe here @ In Our Shoes - no judgement calls, although I do believe knife throwing in public places is indeed a safety issue requiring proper discipline. 

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Americans love the Brits and while there are bound to be differences in parenting styles due to cultural attitudes, it sounds like moms and mums are very much on the same front when compared to the individualistic parenting going down in France. Still, as your Shoe Hostess I’m not here to talk about the French. I’m here to talk about all the shoes which moms and mums wear – yes even when living on foreign soil.

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.Afternoon tea anyone?

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Ask me about upcoming seminars in NY and London that will kick start you into your dream shoes!

Subscribe to In Our Shoes.

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Teleconference Call for Sabotage Seminar is Wed. March 28 @ 5:30 EST.

Dial-in Number: 1-218-862-6789
Conference Code: 542045

 

Readers, as promised we kick off the week with part one of our five week seminar series on How to Master Gender Dynamics in the workplace delivered by renowned success speaker and entrepreneur Laura L. Brown of LotusLifeWork. Welcome to IOS Laura, lots of questions have been coming in, we’re excited to dig in. I’ll turn it over to you. – Shoe Hostess.

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Laura L. Brown

“Thanks, I am passionate about helping women succeed in business and look forward to providing you with the some vital insight into what is really going on at work.

 

The Top 5 Ways Women Sabotage Themselves in Business: 

• Making assumptions about what motivates men
• Not understanding how you are being perceived by men (and other women)
• Languaging yourself into a negative reputation
• Having issues with power
• Not staying grounded in your feminine strengths

All of these behaviors keep women from reaching their career goals – and most of the time it’s completely unconscious! Assuming you know how men are thinking or what drives their actions is mistake number one!

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What can women do to ‘bond’ with male colleagues?

Stop thinking they want to bond with you. Men think of work as a game, with a pecking order. Your main concern should be, do they respect you?

What do you do if your boss consistently invites a male associate who is more junior to you to social outings?

There are many reasons why this could be happening and the best thing you can do is to not assume you know the reason. Of course, situations like this are delicate because of the variables involved, such as his marital status, are you the only woman in his department, does he respect your work. Clear communication is the place to start. Be clear about your goals, i.e., do you want to build a better working relationship with your boss or be friends with him? Are you prepared to hear him say that he isn’t comfortable being in social situations with just the two of you? How would you respond to that very real concern?

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I invite you to take a look at where you are assuming you know what drives the behaviors or actions of your male colleagues. It is only human to think that others will act the way you would act, but male and female brains are wired differently. Because of this, we view the world through different filters and motivations.

Men are not looking to be your friend at work, they are looking to succeed – it’s all about winning, however they define a win.

The goal is to be respected for your skills, abilities and accomplishments. It’s not about who ‘likes’ you.

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In next week’s seminar, I will address perception issues and how men and women displaying the same behaviors will elicit different responses. Feel free to keep submitting questions. Should we not get to them all, I will host a tele-conference dial-in where we can dig in some more on a group level.”

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To learn more about how Laura can support you or your organization in career development and advancement, go to www.LotusLifeWork.com and sign up to receive her newsletter and information about the March launch of her self study product: Positively Promotable – Understanding Men at Work. You can also download her free smartphone app for Android and iPhone – search for “LotusLifeWork” to receive daily doses of information, inspiration and introspection!

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Share and comment below.

Have you subscribed to In Our Shoes?

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Up next meet Natasha Lowery, an American Texan mom living in London. She sounds off to In Our Shoes on what it’s like to parent amongst mummys on British soil. Stay tuned!

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Before I sat down with Ann LeConey today for our interview - the internationally recognized interior designer, I considered all of the questions my readers would want answered to inspire them to continue on in their dream shoes. What I realized shortly into our interview however, was how fortunate I was at this time in my career to have met someone willing to openly share their wisdom in growing a successful business from the ground up, all while raising three boys.

‘You have to have the ambition, dedication and love what you do.’

-Ann LeConey

Stay tuned for my interview with one fabulous lady.  Subscribe here. 

Guess what Guardian readers said when asked what policies they would change to better respond to issues affecting working women, had they the superpowers in Parliament?

Establishing “family friendly” working practices.

Encouraging more practical and practised flexible working and job-share schemes.

Funny, that’s what American work moms would shout out considering the

underwhelming 3% representation of women leaders within the largest companies in the US and UK.

If Congress and Parliament looked even closer, they may deduce that

more sponsorship and mentoring programs are needed high fiving women superstars up through the upper echelons of organizations.

Still the optimist in me whispers, ‘if you declare it, it shall come‘. Our daughters will one day enjoy a more satisfying life juggling it all when growing their families. They have to, today’s work moms and mums are no light weights – media shout outs like this are aleady paving the way.

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I’m ready to hit the road to meet the much esteemed interior designer Ann LeConey who has been dressing up celebrities homes around the world for over 25 years. She dishes to In Our Shoes on how she began her business from scratch with not 1, not 2, but 3 triplet boys to raise – now that’s some serious juggling.Subscribe here

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The Sexy Woman

Here’s a little tidbit on what most people think of superstar women like us but rarely say. The other evening in Soho, while out with friends over cocktails and more stimulating conversation, a woman stranger listening in, leans over and innocently asks me what it is that I do for a living. I say that I’m a writer but that my 17+ career is rooted in technology (yes your Shoe Hostess has been a computer geek since she was ten years old) . She smiles and says: “Ahhh so, you’re the sophisticated nerd girl.” Stunned, I blushed for an instant, busted a laugh and soon entered into an enlightening conversation with more women where we concluded (why yes)…

ambitious smart women have and always will be considered sexy.

It’s time to celebrate you readers. Send in what makes you feel beautiful and sexy to : Marisa@InRShoes.com. I’ll share it on an upcoming video along with my own beauty shifters! This dear readers is what connects us as the inspiring women we are.

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Oh Nike marketing gurus, are you listening?.

Moving onto the Nike brand, I’d like to quote a line from someone I recently interviewed:

“As women, there is always self doubt but our goal is to jump BETTER. Men on the other hand want to jump HIGHER.”

Lastly dear readers, I have just added yet another inspiring woman to our collection here at In Our Shoes. Stay tuned for an empowering interview with a fashion designer who walked away from an elite C suite career on Wall Street to be a successful couture mumpreneur in high fashion. You won’t want to miss it.

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Don’t forget to send your “I’m beautiful because…” email. Have you subscribed to In Our Shoes?

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“For the first time in my life, I got people respecting me. Please, don’t ask me to give it up.” – Erin Brockovich, Jersey Films (2000) .

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Don’t you just * love * that line?

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Readers, In Our Shoes introduces a 5 week blog seminar series on How to Master Gender Dynamics in the workplace delivered by renowned success speaker, entrepreneur and our personal guest here at IOS, Laura L. Brown! Pssst, and the best part is we want readers like you to drive the content!

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Please post your questions, concerns, real-life situations of working with the opposite sex in the workplace (anonymity is respected) in the “Comments” section below or e-mail me directly at Marisa@InRShoes.com. Laura will weave the solutions to your specific concerns into this weekly blog series beginning on Monday February 27. Be sure to share this post with your friends and colleagues as well for their input!

‘My purpose in life is to guide women on how to rise through the ranks of organizations and change the way the world does business.’

These were Laura L. Brown’s first words when we initially spoke of having her guest blog here at In Our Shoes to deliver the seminar that pulled me in cold:

How Women Sabotage Themselves in Business.

Laura has over 25 years of business experience where she has rapidly progressed through the ranks of every kind of organization from family businesses, to international multi-billion dollar corporations, to startup organizations. She has worked with companies such as Apple, HP, Microsoft, IBM, Sun Microsystems, Silicon Graphics, Lotus, Compaq, Infiniti division of Nissan, and Marriott Hotels and Resorts. She has consistently built, developed and trained multi-national teams with zero turnover, and has been a much sought after career coach. Today she is running with great success with her own company: LotusLifeWork.

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Laura is the go-to expert on coaching women to understand the differences between how men and women are ‘wired’ given her deep research on neuroscience and seasoned experience on how gender dynamics impacts how we interact at all levels of an organization. Whether you are navigating the executive arena, managing a team, working towards a promotion at any level or just starting out in your career -

knowing how you are perceived by men, understanding how they think and what drives their actions will give you the ability to succeed.

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Stay tuned and don’t forget to post your questions for Laura to address in this seminar into the Comments area below or e-mail me directly at: Marisa@InRShoes.com.

 

Subscribe to In Our Shoes.

In Our Shoes welcomes working mum Danielle Curzon to our female village. Born and bred a British royal (her father is the noble Viscount Scarsdale), Danielle threw off the cloak of aristocracy and today is pursuing her dream in the UK’s Mixed Martial Arts circuit as Europe’s first televised female referee at UCMMA Cage Rage and juggling it all like the rest of us as a single mom with a two year old daughter.

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No stranger to proving oneself, Danielle was an international titleholder dressage rider, an international champion martial arts competitor, former bodyguard to Emma Watson and other celebrities and survivor of a near fatal pregnancy delivering her healthy baby girl (the one the medical experts said she’d never have).

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IOS: Fighter. Competitor. Proving yourself. Fearless. Danielle, these are the first words that came to mind before sitting down with you for this interview. Am I close or way off base here? 

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Danielle: I’d say that’s all true. I’ve been riding since I was three years old and was taught very early on to push myself. I grew up with a competitive spirit which was encouraged by my dad who yes is the noble Viscount Scarsdale but I do not follow any aristocratic lifestyle whatsoever today. I was an international dressage rider until I reached the age of 21. I won Horse Of The Year Show, Great Britain’s largest show when I was 9 and won over 20 national showing titles (including side saddle, national title) and then went on to represent the UK’s  U21 team. I also competed in America.

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IOS: Is it normal for a young girl that age to be groomed a dressage rider in the UK? 

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Danielle: Yes, horse riding is very much the norm and part of the aristocratic way of life. My parents never forced me to do it however. I enjoyed the competition.  Later on my mum wanted to me to do something else that would allow me to balance my studies at school and I eventually stopped riding.

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IOS: Your parents divorced early on, tell us about that.  

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Danielle: My parents divorced when I was 12 years old. I was really happy about it actually as they were both so unhappy in their marriage. The divorce was a news spectacle. My dad went on to marry a prostitute and my mother married an ex-bank robber! I was the only child and definitely not living a normal life by any stretch. After my parents divorce I learned money doesn’t buy you happiness and wanted nothing to do with the aristocratic life. I was very privileged and lived in a massive home. Today I live in a modest 2 bedroom house and I don’t miss that life whatsoever.

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IOS: What did you do after you stopped riding?

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Danielle: Well, I had started training in martial arts at the age of 12 for self defense. When I quit the horses, I moved martial arts up to my international sport. I fought very competitively and won titles abroad.  Martial arts became my second sport. Today I teach anti-rape self defense classes at a university. So many women suffer this sort of thing. 

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IOS: What is Mixed Maritial Arts?

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Danielle: MMA is a combination of stand up and ground fighting, Tai and Kick boxing. Often people just see fighters in a cage, but learning MMA is something every woman could benefit from.  Alot of it is using the person’s weight against them. I trained in the MMA for 5 years until I was unable to fight competitively due to health problems with my kidneys. So I started working as a bodyguard and became the personal bodyguard to Emma Watson and many other celebrities. I worked the night club doors and was part of the highest qualified security personell in the UK.

 

IOS: You went through a nightmare of a pregnancy. Tell us about it.

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Danielle: Before my daughter Alea was born,  I suffered two miscarriages about a year apart and was told I would never have children due to endometriosis. I then miraculously fell pregnant in 2008 and went through a horrendous pregnancy and after only 6 weeks pregnant, I split with Alea’s father. Then problems with my kidneys started; they failed due to eclampsia.  A condition in which one or more convulsions occur in a pregnant woman suffering from high blood pressure. I became dehydrated.  I was then diagnosed with Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) during my pregnancy. At 24 weeks I lost half of my water. I had to be injected with steroids. My daughter was delivered at 31 weeks by emergency C section and weighed only 2lbs 10oz. After having Alea, I then suffered from post natal depression and kept on anti-depressants which was the worst thing ever. I also had to quit fighting and later went into refereeing which is where I am now reffing the UCMMA (Cage Rage) show at the Troxy in London. It was a big setback for me, being unable to fight competitively again.

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IOS: Tell us about your daughter Alea and the challenges of being a mum.

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Danielle:  Having Alea was absolutely meant to happen for me. She was a miracle really. Alea is Greek for ‘queen’. So far it’s been the terrible two tantrums. When they look at you and do something and misbehave in public!

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IOS: Will you steer Alea towards any particular direction?

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My mom would like her to go to university. I’d like her to decide her own path. I want to offer her as many opportunities as she can have. I’m a vegetarian, but I allow her to eat meat. Until she’s old enough she can decide on her own if she wishes to stop eating it. I would encourage her, if she turns out to be a competitive person. My dad didn’t push me to do the horses, he gave me the opportunity and I loved the competition. He also took me Bunjee jumping when I was 10 years old which I also loved.

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IOS: What is it like mixing with other mums in the UK given your profession? Do you feel like you fit in?

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Danielle: I go on playdates or the local play centers just like any other mum. At first I wasn’t big on telling women I’m a cage referree. Today I don’t care anymore, it’s the skin I’m comfortable in and if someone doesn’t like it, that’s fine too.

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IOS: Did you have a nanny for Alea?

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Danielle: No, I’ve never had a nanny. My mom lives very close by and is helping me raise Alea. I also have my step sister around whom I’m very close to.

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IOS: What made you decide to go back to work after having Alea?.

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Danielle:  The UK make it is less appealing for mothers to go back to work after having children compared to the States. I work 16 hours a week. If I went back to work full time, after weighing out the child care costs I would lose the tax credit. Also, working full time meant not spending enough time with my daughter. It’s not financial viable by the time you do the math. Day care costs 40 pounds a day. It still doesn’t pay.  On the other hand, I cannot be a stay at home mom. I needed to find me as a person again after having Alea. I’m able to do that with my career at MMA which is on weekends.

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It was very difficult at first for me to get the balance of work training and spending time with Alea. My mom would often remind me that I wasn’t spending enough time with her. So I changed my schedule. I’m with her during the week days. It’s a part time job at Cage. I am also a NVQ assessor for security at Oxford University; I screen candidates. I work weekends reffing and the rest of the time I’m with my little girl.

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IOS: What is your view of working mothers in America?

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Danielle: I’m intrigued by them. Americans seem to have a stronger work ethic. The British look up to Americans really. It has crossed my mind many times to move there.  My dream is to make it into the UFC.

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IOS: Tell us about your career at Cage Rage. You’re the first televised female referee for the largest MMA show in the UK. How did that happen?

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Danielle: Reffing for the Cage Rage has been the highlight of my career so far. I had started working in the smaller shows. Then I got a phone call to judge the White Collar UCMMA from fight promoter Dave O’Donnell. From there he said I could referee while I was in the cage. It was a bit of a horrible time for me leading up the next UCMMA Cage Rage because I wasn’t clear on whether they were going to use me permanently. Then I got the phone call that I was a part of the team. All of the guys welcomed me to the family. It meant so much. It was truly a special moment. I have moved up the sky card. The whole of the cage rage welcomed me with open arms. I owe so much to Dave O’Donnell for believing in me and giving me my big break.

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IOS: What do you think when you watch yourself on TV?

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Danielle: When I watch myself, I look to see where I’ve made mistakes. Last night was a big night! I reffed Ben Smith, so I’ll be watching that again.

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IOS: What’s next for you?

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Danielle: My dream is to become a referee in the UFC. I have the greatest respect for Kim Winslow, the first female ref in the UFC. There’s only a handful of women in the MMA, I hope to promote them now that we’ve gotten maximum exposure on Cage Rage. Hopefully that’s what’s next for me.

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IOS: What would you tell people who think you were chosen because of your royal family ties? You would certainly bring lots of media attention to the show.

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Danielle: I have never once told anyone about my nobility. I was kind of embarrassed about it because I didn’t want people thinking I was a snob, especially Dave O’Donnell. Once I was televised however, I thought it’s all going to come out anyway into the mainstream media. Noone guessed that I was from that background. My life story is so bizarre, why would they?

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IOS: What are the challenges of reffing? 

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Danielle: Every referee looks for the safety of the fighters,  knowing when is the correct time to stop the fight: - too early or too late. Getting that balance right,  letting the fighters have a chance to defend themselves and not getting injured. Reffing involves  making sure there are no illegal moves, kicking to the groin, gouging of the eyes. That maternal instinct does kick in when someone is in your care who may not be able to walk out of the cage. I’m still learning and have made mistakes by stopping a fight a little too early or too late.

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IOS: What is the best piece of advice you would give IOS readers who want to go after the dream they’re after?

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Danielle: Persevere and find the right balance. You will find your own way.You’ve got to be happy just as we teach our children. Don’t put your dreams on hold.

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Have a question for Danielle? Reach out and I will be sure your e-mail is answered!

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What I love about Danielle’s story is that although she belongs to royal lineage that could have potentially opened any door for her, in the end it was her fearless spirit that led her to achieving the dream she was after. She walked away from her nobility. She’s also giving back by teaching women how to defend themselves and hopes to break the barrier for women in what traditionally has been a male dominated arena.  Danielle has her sights on America’s UFC, we hope Kim Winslow is listening! Cheering you on Danielle and many thanks to you for sharing your story with us at In Our Shoes. Danielle is currently writing an autobiography. My feeling is that she has quite a few more unwritten chapters to go! I look forward to hearing what’s next.

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